Inspirations & Lessons In Life

Unfaithful = Never Satisfied

2011-12-08T04:46:00.002+08:00

I was having a drink with a friend when I told him about my shock at reading that Malaysians are ranked third in the world for being the most unfaithful partner. Source here.

Me: "How can that be? Do you believe so many of us are unfaithful?"

Friend: "It's not about being unfaithful, it about never feeling satisfied. We just keep on looking for more."

This chat reminds me about The Buddha words on desire, lust and sex. I Googled around and found this enlightening article with the summary: "The activity of sex will never ultimately satisfy the desire for sex."

Let me end with these words from the Dhammapada Chapter 16: Verse 214:

From lustfulness arises grief,
from lustfulness springs fear,
one wholly free of lustfulness
has no grief - how fear?

Explanation: From passion arises sorrow. From passion fear arises. To one free of passion there is no sorrow, In such a person how can there be fear?

May this be a strong reminder to me and anyone lure by desire and lust. With Metta _/\_

Inspirational Quotes for Buddhists

2011-10-15T14:31:00.002+08:00

According to Mahayana tradition, today is Guan Yin's birthday. I took my family to my Aunt's temple to pay homage to Guan Yin. After the vegetarian lunch, I kneel down, took refuge in the Triple Gem then recited Om Mani Padme Hum 108 times. Although I follow the Theravada tradition now, this mantra has a special meaning in my heart because it is one of the first few Buddhist chants I learned when I became a Buddhist after my wife passed away in 2005. As I recited, my mind again strayed away and I took this chance to practice Adhitthana (determination in Pali) till I managed to recite 108 times.

I came home, login to my Facebook and immediately saw few inspiring & enlightening quotes. I post them here with the hope it will touch you as much as it has inspired and taught me.

"The ordinary mind — no matter whose — when it does not yet have any standards and meets up with things that drag it here and there in the wrong directions, will tend to go rolling after those preoccupations without let-up, to the point where it cannot find any foundation for sustaining its peace and calm. In terms of the Dhamma, these preoccupations are called defilements." -
Luangta Maha Boowa (Straight from the Heart)

‎"When the mind is involved with the world, it's bound to meet with collisions; and once it collides, it will be shaken and roll back and forth, just as round stones in a large pile roll back and forth. So no matter how good or bad other people may be, we don't store it up in our mind to give rise to feelings of like or dislike. Dismiss it completely as being their business and none of ours." - Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo

Nick Vujicic - inspiring us to be thankful always

2011-06-14T01:55:00.002+08:00

Just wanna share this beautiful inspiring video of Nick Vujicic, a man born without arms & legs. His positive attitude serve as a great example of the celebration of life over limitations.

Nick is thankful for what he HAS.
He's not bitter for what he does NOT have.

I have never met a bitter person who was thankful.
I have never met a thankful person who was bitter.

In life you have a choice: Bitter or Better?

Contentment is the greatest wealth - The Buddha, Dhammapada Verse 204.

Sharing the Dhamma with my dying mum

2011-05-16T05:23:00.004+08:00

My mum time is very near. She is no longer conscious for the past 3 days, and her breathing is irregular with rattling sound, similar to symptoms I observed when my grandma passed away 2 years ago.

But something wonderful (under the circumstances) happened few days ago before my mum became totally unconscious. My aunt friend Elaine from their Pureland temple came to visit my mum. She wore a bright pink dress and to my surprise, my mum loudly said she looked very beautiful, and my mum even managed to muster a smile in her weak and frail condition. That was the first time I heard my mum talked so clearly in weeks. Elaine sat around for awhile asking my mum not to worry and think of The Buddha.

After Elaine left, I noticed my mum is still awake and I took this opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. My mum is a very gentle and good nature person but I'm afraid she has limited exposure to the Dhamma aside from chanting Amitabha. I wished I have strive harder to share the Dhamma with her when she was in better health. It was very negligent of me to only give priority to my work & take her time with us for granted. It's my sincere hope for those reading this to cherish time with your loved ones and please plan some time for spiritual development, because life can be cruel and unpredictable.

Thoughts were running through my mind how best to share the Dhamma with her. I started with telling her in Cantonese (her main language) my simple translation of the First Noble Truth: The Buddha taught that life is suffering, as long as we are in the wheel of existence, we suffer. Birth, old age, sickness and death is suffering. And that is the first time I talk about death to her. She looked at me and I continued saying we must find a way out of this wheel. Then I told her let's take refuge in the Triple Gem together, explaining the meaning of taking the refuge in Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha. I was glad she was awake the whole period till I finished chanting. Then I continue chanting Amitabha into her ear because she has affinity to this mantra. She then closed her eyes and slept peacefully.

The following day, as I came back from work at night, I cleaned her up and changed her dressings to cover the bed sores. As me & my Dad flipped her on the side to relieve pressure from sleeping on her back whole day, I noticed her eyes wide opened, and looking at me. Quickly! Said my inner voice, another window of opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. I said gently to my mum; "Mother, let me share with you what my Sifu (referring to the monks & books I've learned from) taught me. The Buddha said being human will sure have sufferings from birth, old age, sickness and dying. This is because we all have craving, therefore we exist in this cycle of rebirth. Death comes to everybody, me included." I then told her Kisagotami tale with the hope to reduce her fear of death. She looked at me intently and I continued; "Once The Buddha asked this woman if she wants to have 10 children in her village and she said yes that would make her very happy. The Buddha then said if the 10 children died, you would suffer 10 times." I sorta made up this because I cannot remember the exact story. She blinked her eyes in agreement. I then said the more we want, the more we suffer. That is why monks leave home to let go everything in order to practice and cultivate till enlightenment. She blinked her eyes and nodded her head slightly. This really comforted me because I sensed she understood at least some parts of my message. I reminded her that by offering robe to a monk in the past, she has actually assisted someone who is cultivating to reach enlightenment, and that is great merit. I've never seen my mum looked at me so intently the past few weeks therefore I think my message must have left a good impression on her.

I also told her The Buddha taught the "Law" of Kamma which states good people will reap good results and good people will go to good places, just like oil will always float when dropped on water, compare to rock which will sink to the bottom. So I told her not to worry because she has been a gentle, good nature, thoughtful & caring person, filial daughter & good mother her whole life. She has brought us up well & we are now filial and taking good care of her. She kept looking at me without blinking. I told her now is the time where she must let go everything and constantly think of The Buddha only. By focusing on The Buddha, we will not be disturbed by our fears or worries. Just keep chanting Amitabha with your mind. She nodded slightly in agreement. Then I asked her to take the Three Refuge in Pali with me followed by me chanting Amitabha to her 108 times, after which I left the room to let her rest.

I'm glad I managed to share what little I know about the Dhamma with her during those few critical moments when she is awake. By minimizing travelling and staying at home, I managed to catch these opportunities to plant the Dhamma seed in her. After the second chance to share the Dhamma with her, she has since became unconscious. Nevertheless, I continue to remind her of her good deeds and take the Three Refuge, chant Amitabha and few suttas near her as often as I can.

Yesterday, I told her I will buy cooking oil, rice, onions and potatoes for the monks in Maha Vihara on her behalf. One lady in the office of Maha Vihara told me they needed onions and potatoes. I whispered to my mum ear before I left and informed her when I returned that the deed is done. This is my final chance to do my best for my mum, so I need to treasure every moment.

Coincidence or A Sign?

2011-05-16T01:36:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was my mother's birthday and also the birthdays of 2 significant ladies in my life: Quenna Leong & Thitiporn Li Li, therefore it was the birthdays of 3 very special persons in my life.

My mum needs no introduction; she is my prime motivator and pillar of strength all these years. I admire her gentle nature, thoughtfulness, filial piety & the way she takes care of everyone in the family. I'm going through a very tough time now because she is dying.

Quenna Leong is a close and old friend of over 20 years. She is the one who introduced and inspired me to Buddhism when my late wife passed away in 2005. She was instrumental in inspiring me to be a better person and to walk the Middle Way. I admire her calm personality & unwavering devotion to the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha which she so skillfully used to guide me when I was lost & confused.

Thitiporn Li Li is a close friend who despite our distance (she lives in Bangkok & Singapore), is always there to listen to my sorrows and cheer me up with her caring nature. Having faced many trials and tribulations herself, she is a courageous lady who always think of others first. Her firm determination & loving charm are poetry in motion.

3 persons very close to me sharing the same birthdays? Coincidence, possibly... A Sign, likely. Whatever it may be, I treat it as a message for me to cherish & remember people who have inspired me to goodness, and in turn, assist or help others whenever I can, while I still can. What more since "fate" has arranged a single date for me to remember 3 very remarkable individuals.

Wesak Day is only a day away. What a sequence, I'm grateful for the timing, and thankful for making it easy to remember. May all beings be free from suffering. May everyone be well & happy. Metta. /\

PS. Thanks to Facebook for helping me made this meaningful discovery. :)

Mother's Day Dedication - ode to all mums

2011-05-07T14:08:00.003+08:00

If there is a meaning to unconditional love
You would be it
Protective & nurturing when we were young
Ever under your wings
You shielded us from the thorns of the world

If there is a meaning to a good provider
You would be it
Ensuring all our needs are met
Comforting & caring for us with zeal
You are our umbrella when it rains

If there is a meaning to a good teacher
You would be it
Leading & guiding us by examples
Instilling wisdom in our growing years
You are our beacon in this confusing world

If there is a meaning to joy & laughter
You would be it
Whether outings or dining
Your company is simply delightful
You warm our hearts in this cold world

If there is a meaning to strong bond
You would be it
As our closest confidante and counselor
You listen to our troubles & woes
And soothe us from the pains of the world

If there is a shinning example of a wise elder
You would be it
Allowing us to mature & choose our paths
Inspiring us with your kindness & thoughtfulness
You are our ray of sunshine in this dark world
We will never be lost because of you.

Dedicated to my mum, Chan Yoke Lan and all the mothers in this world who brought us up & care for us selflessly. Thank you mum for everything.

Happy Mother's Day! :)

PS. You might be interested to read this ENTRY too.

Dealing with our loved ones suffering

2011-04-27T13:08:00.001+08:00

I've calmed down a bit this week. My mum's condition hasn't changed but at least I get to spend time talking to her whenever she is awake or conscious.

Watching this video on Ajahn Brahm talking about how to deal the suffering of loved ones helped me a lot. In short, he talked about reducing our emotional suffering by not attaching "ownership" to one's spouse, children, parents etc. Ajahn Brahm also taught that our loved ones in critical condition will not want us to suffer seeing them in such condition, and we should be strong for them. Furthermore, crying or lamenting cannot help anyone, so we need to compose ourselves and have a cup of tea (or anything you prefer).

One beautiful thing he taught is that our loved ones suffering offer us the opportunity to take care of them, serve them and generally do good. This is really an encouraging way of facing the situation I'm in now.

To Ajahn Brahm, you have my deep gratitude and respect for your kindness & enlightening teachings.

With Metta,
Charles.

Keeping vigil for my mum

2011-04-24T03:28:00.002+08:00

This month is probably my most painful and saddest month. My beloved mum condition deteriorated to a point where she is no longer able to move or eat on her own. I was unable to accept nor believe the possibility that she will leave us soon, because we can spot few signs of dying. This is one of the most painful moment in my life.

I realized tonight that I only read and contemplate the Dhamma at extremely solemn moment like this. It is my hope for those reading this please do not be like me, and end up with excruciating mental anguish of being unable to cope and accept a loved one leaving us. Practice the Dhamma and reflect on Anicca (impermanence), Dukkha (suffering) and Anatta (no self) constantly.

I'm reading Kisagotami tale now to keep calm and reflect on the Buddha's teachings, while keeping vigil over my mum every moment I get. May this post be of use to anyone who is grieving or in a similar situation like me.

I end with this reply on my Facebook by my old friend Rajendra Inani regarding taking care of my mum:
"Hey Charles, its a great duty taking care of parents when they are old. One may buy such services with money, but doing it on your own as your duty and gratitude towards parents is something considered as worshiping God."

With Metta,
Charles. /\

Lesson of Sacrifice from a 9 year old Japanese boy

2011-04-10T01:53:00.000+08:00

Just an interesting story I hope will inspire you to greater good.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This letter, written by Vietnamese immigrant Ha Minh Thanh who works in Fukushima as a policeman to a friend in Vietnam, was posted on New America Media (NAM) on March 19. It is a testimonial to the strength of the Japanese spirit, and an interesting slice of life near the epicentre of Japan’s crisis at the Fukushima nuclear power plant. It was translated by NAM editor Andrew Lam, author of “East Eats West: Writing in Two Hemispheres.” Shanghai Daily condensed it.

Brother,

How are you and your family? These last few days, everything was in chaos. When I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. When I open my eyes, I also see dead bodies.

Each one of us must work 20 hours a day, yet I wish there were 48 hours in the day, so that we could continue helping and rescuing folks. We are without water and electricity, and food rations are near zero. We barely manage to move refugees before there are new orders to move them elsewhere.

I am currently in Fukushima, about 25 kilometres away from the nuclear power plant. I have so much to tell you that if I could write it all down, it would surely turn into a novel about human relationships and behaviours during times of crisis.

People here remain calm – their sense of dignity and proper behaviour are very good – so things aren’t as bad as they could be. But given another week, I can’t guarantee that things won’t get to a point where we can no longer provide proper protection and order.

They are humans after all, and when hunger and thirst override dignity, well, they will do whatever they have to do. The government is trying to provide supplies by air, bringing in food and medicine, but it’s like dropping a little salt into the ocean.

Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to behave like a human being.

Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity organisation distribute food to the refugees. It was a long line that snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy around 9 years old. He was wearing a tee-shirt and a pair of shorts.

It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the line. I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn’t be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony when he saw the tsunami sweep his father’s car away.

I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the beach and that his mother and little sister probably didn’t make it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his relatives.

The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him. That’s when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it up and gave it to him.

“When it comes to your turn, they might run out of food. So here’s my portion. I already ate. Why don’t you eat it?”

The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away, but he didn’t. He took the bag of food, went up to where the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be distributed.

I was shocked. I asked him why he didn’t eat it and instead added it to the food pile. He said, “Because I see a lot more people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will distribute the food equally.”

When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn’t see me cry.

A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good must be a great society, a great people.

Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours of my shift have begun again.

Ha Minh Thanh

Happy New Rabbit Year 2011 - Gratitude

2011-02-08T02:13:00.000+08:00

Been superbusy so didn't have time to blog as much as I wanted to. I wanted to share a great story about family bonds but guess this video from Petronas will have to do for now.

I hope this video will touch you as much as it has reminded me not to take my parents for granted. For those interested, The Buddha's teachings on Gratitude & Integrity is found in the Kataññu Suttas.

Thank you Petronas for making this video and may it inspire you to spend more time with your folks and give them all the love they deserve. Our parents took care of us & love us unconditionally, likewise we should reciprocate the same.

Appreciate our parents

2010-11-25T11:33:00.001+08:00

A young person with excellent academic qualification went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview easily, and now will have to meet the Director for the last interview, who makes the final decision to hire.

The Director discovered from his CV, that this youth's has excellent academic result all the way from the secondary school until the postgraduate research. There was never a year he did not score.

The Director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none".

The surprised Director asked, "Is it your father who pays for your school fees?". The youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.

The Director asked, "Where did your mother worked?". The youth answered, my mother worked as clothes cleaner. The Director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that is smooth and perfect to the Director.

The Director probed further, "Did you ever help your mother washed the clothes before?". The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me."

The Director said, "I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hands, and then come see me tomorrow morning."

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job is high. When he reached home, he happily went to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange, she reluctantly showed her hands to the youth.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly, his eyes wet with tears as he did that. It's first time he saw his mother's hands which are so wrinkled & full of bruises. Some bruises were so severe that his mother trembles in pain whenever water touched them.

For the first time the youth realized and experienced that this is the pair of hands that washed the cloth everyday to pay for his school fees. The wrinkles & painful bruises in his mother's hands is the price that his mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and ensure him a bright future.

After he finished cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, they talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the Director's office.

The Director noticed the puffiness in the youth's eyes, and asked him: "Can you tell you what have you done & learned in your house yesterday?"

The youth answered, "I cleaned my mother's hands, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes."

The Director asked, "Please tell me your feelings."

The youth said,
"Number 1, I learned what is appreciation, because without my mother, I will never be successful today."
"Number 2, I learned how to helped my mother. I realized how hard we need to work to achieve something."
"Number 3, I learned the importance and value of family relationship."

The Director said, "This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of another, a person who appreciate the efforts of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my Manager. You are hired."

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and earned the respect of his subordinates. Every employees worked diligently as a team and the company's results improved tremendously.

A child who has been overly protected and habitually given whatever he wants will developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorance of his parent's effort & sacrifice. When he starts to work, he will assume everyone must listen to him. When he becomes a Manager, he would never know how the hard work his employees go through and always blame others. This kind of people may be successful for awhile, but eventually would not feel satisfied. They will grumble, become demanding and fight for more. As parents, did we love the kid or destroy the kid when we are overly protective and fail to teach them the values of appreciation and sacrifice.

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, take expensive piano lessons or watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experienced it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you don't have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich we are, one day our will become gray, like the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learn how to appreciate the effort and sacrifice of others.

This entry is dedicated to my parents, aunt & sister. I loved you all. Thank you very much for all your love, care & sacrifice all these years. May you be blessed with good health & happiness always.

Save A Marriage

2010-08-24T23:59:00.008+08:00

NOTE: This story is not about me.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all her dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son, I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

This story was written by Itoro 'Ausafrik' Okon. This story is not about me.

Meaning of Bathing The Buddha during Vesak Day

2010-05-28T23:56:00.009+08:00

Today is Vesak Day and I visited my aunt temple in Cheras with my daughter & father. My sis was not feeling well so my mum stayed home to accompany her. We paid homage to Lord Buddha and once again, I encouraged my 6 years old daughter to kneel down and bath the statue of The Buddha. My Dad kept asking me to take photos of my daughter bathing statue of The Buddha but I didn't because I felt this is not a playful event.

Pic of my daughter Angelina taken in 2008 during Vesak Day

Then it occurred to me, after almost 5 years of being a Buddhist, I never really understand the meaning of bathing The Buddha ritual during Vesak Day. So I goggled it and below is one of the best explanation that I can relate to.

2. Bathing The Statue Of The Buddha Symbolizes Our Aspiration, Determination and Effort To Purify Our Body, Speech And Mind

3. Purification of The Body
No Killing
No Stealing
No Sexual Misconduct

4. Purification of The Speech * No Lying * No Slander * No Harsh Speech * No Gossip

5. Purification of The Mind * No Covetousness * No Hatred * No Delusion

6. BATHING OF THE BUDDHA - Let us aspire to cleanse our mind of GREED, HATRED and DELUSION

For more explanation, please click HERE.

Used vs Loved

2010-01-30T20:48:00.004+08:00

While a man is polishing his new car,
his 4 years old son picked up a stone,
and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw the father.....
with painful eyes he asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it many times.

Devastated by his own actions.....
he sat in front of that car and look at the scratches;
his son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'
The next day that man committed suicide.

Anger and Love have no limits
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life
and remember this:
Things are to be used and People are to be loved
The problem in today's world is that
people are used while things are loved

Let's try to keep this in mind
Things are to be used
People are to be loved

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

I saw the story above while waiting in a kindergarden. Made me realised how important it is for us to be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions constantly.

May we be blessed with wisdom to do what is wholesome, and patience to restrain what is unwholesome.

Read The Buddha's teachings on anger here.

The Perfect Couple

2010-01-02T04:49:00.008+08:00

Received this interesting picture below from my friend Susan. I posted it up here seeing that a happy marriage leads to harmony and joy for the couple, their family, friends and beyond.

Imagine if there are no arguments, fights, breakups or divorces anymore. The world will be so much more a better place. Wishing everyone peace and love always.

Please click on the image to enlarge it.

Touching Diwali message

2009-10-17T15:06:00.004+08:00

Found this today while surfing around. The touching message says it all. Pass it around to everyone.

Happy Diwali Folks.

May the light of joy & happiness shine on you always.

PS. Thousands of candles can be lit by a single candle. Go on, light up somebody's world today. :)

Supporting a grieving friend

2009-08-11T03:37:00.010+08:00

My friend Louise lost her boyfriend Jeffrey Lee in a horrible motorbike accident last week. She had only known him not too long and their relationship only started last year. Louise had been through few really tough times and I was very happy for her to have found someone like Jeff. Though I've met Jeff only a couple of times, he came across as very nice and warm person. It was validated when Louise told me on my first visit to the funeral wake that Jeff have no temper. This is truly admirable because such person are rare. As a Buddhist, I've learned that people who perfectly restrain their anger are like harmless sages of solid gold, we call them The Efficient Charioteer - see verse 222.

As I sat beside her, tears streamed down her eyes and I could sensed her grief & agony deep inside me. To be separated from your loved ones is dukkha indeed. Louise told me that Jeff met an accident while biking with his gang of friends along the Karak highway. By the time his entourage made a u-turn and discovered his body, his pouch with wallet and valuables inside had been stolen. Such is the depravity and cruelty certain people are capable of when greed overrides everything. Louise then said she'll stay overnight for the wake till the service tomorrow, ie. to be there almost 24 hours. Worried for her mental well-being, I asked her why and she said she wanted to be by Jeff side as long as she can. I wanted to share that she can be "with" Jeff by cherishing the thought of him and his good deeds instead of compromising her sleep knowing that she'll need more strength for the service and cremation tomorrow. But I decided to keep quiet and drop by to keep her company in the early hours of the morning when nobody is around.

But earlier in the night, the guys in my gym sparred really hard with me so I came home with my whole body feeling sore and aching, even had a laceration below my left eye. I quickly showered and as I prep myself to visit Louise, typical reluctance came over me: my body is in pain, I barely know Jeff, it's too late, I need to work tomorrow, & lastly, it's my birthday tomorrow. But Buddhism taught me that only the present moment matters, so it's up to me to make a difference, to do what I can while I still can. With this resolve and clarity from a previous experience, I drove my car to the mamak at 2am in the morning and bought 4 packs of hot drinks for Louise. I had no idea what drink she like and I wouldn't wanna call her because I'm sure she'll stop me from coming if I did. I arrived to find her sitting alone in the hall while some of Jeff friends sat outside. She was surprised to see me but seemed glad. She took the pack of hot Milo and chatted with me. I kept quiet most of the time because I felt she needed space to grief and share. Hope I did the right thing compare to some of her more vocal friends.

To following day I attended Jeff's cremation which was a solemn and tearful occasion for many people. Louise's mum, sisters and nephew were there to comfort and support her. Ahh... the beauty of family love. For me, I'm just glad I'm able to support a grieving friend with whatever little I can offer.

This entry is dedicated in memory of Jeffrey Jude Lee.

What is The Highest Protection?

2009-05-10T00:42:00.004+08:00

I have heard that at one time the Blessed One was staying in Savatthi at Jeta's Grove, Anathapindika's park. Then a certain deva, in the far extreme of the night, her extreme radiance lighting up the entirety of Jeta's Grove, approached the Blessed One. On approaching, having bowed down to the Blessed One, she stood to one side. As she stood to one side, she addressed him with a verse.

Many devas and humans beings
give thought to protection,
desiring well-being.
Tell, then, the highest protection.

The Buddha:

Not consorting with fools,
consorting with the wise,
paying homage to those worthy of homage:
This is the highest protection.

Living in a civilized land,
having made merit in the past,
directing oneself rightly:
This is the highest protection.

Broad knowledge, skill,
well-mastered discipline,
well-spoken words:
This is the highest protection.

Support for one's parents,
assistance to one's wife and children,
consistency in one's work:
This is the highest protection.

Generosity, living in rectitude (uprightness),
assistance to one's relatives,
deeds that are blameless:
This is the highest protection.

Avoiding, abstaining from evil;
refraining from intoxicants,
being heedful of the qualities of the mind:
This is the highest protection.

Respect, humility,
contentment, gratitude,
hearing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.

Patience, composure,
seeing contemplatives,
discussing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.

Austerity, celibacy,
seeing the Noble Truths,
realizing Unbinding:
This is the highest protection.

A mind that, when touched
by the ways of the world,
is unshaken, sorrowless, dustless, at rest:
This is the highest protection.

Everywhere undefeated
when acting in this way,
people go everywhere in well-being:
This is their highest protection.

Sutta Nipata II.4, Mahamangala Sutta.

In memory of my grandma Lee Siew

2009-05-09T21:32:00.013+08:00

Today is Wesak day, and also happened to be the 100th day of my maternal grandmother Lee Siew death, who passed away on 30th January, 2009 at the ripe old age of 93.

My grandmother Lee Siew is a strong-willed woman and grand matriarch of our family. Although some might find her "frustrating", I knew she did it all to safeguard our family or take care of us in her own way. She has been preparing for her time more than 10 years ago. She bought her own grave lot and gave detail instructions to my mum in the event of her passing. Everytime we took her out to eat, my mind wondered if this will be the last time I see her. Although my worry is a form of Dukkha, I tried my best to be mindful and prepare myself on the necessary steps to take when the time comes.

On that fateful morning, I received a call around 5am from my dad who said grandma is having difficulties. I rushed over to her residence and her caretaker Ann told me that grandma is unconscious and her vital signs are very weak. Ann, who run the nursing and old folks home where my grandma is residing, is a certified nurse who specializes in Geriatric care. By the time I reached her bedside, my grandma looked like she's deep asleep but struggling to breathe loudly and heavily. Ann calmly told me that this is normal when people are about to pass away due to old age. I composed myself and tried to recall all that I have read about what to do in a person's final dying moment from the Buddhist perspective. I put my hands on her forehead and foot to feel the warmth and pulled up the blanket to keep her warm and comfortable. As the body dissolve and consciousness fade, it's important to ensure that the dying person state of mind is clear and wholesome. That is why we shouldn't cry or lament in front of a dying person to free that person from worries, guilt, regrets, attachment and any unwholesome thoughts. I remembered Bhante Aggacitta once said even a person in coma can hear or feel what we said or do around him or her.

I went to buy batteries to run the chanting machine in the form of Guan Yin statue and place it near her ear. Putting an image of reverence like a Buddha statue, or any other image according to the dying person belief (Jesus, Angels, Deities) will help calm the dying person's mind so that they will have positive, peaceful state of mind. According to Buddhist belief, a dying person's final state of mind is one of the key factor that will determine that person place of rebirth. I whispered into her ears and asked her to chant and think of Amitabha Buddha, which is her main belief. While my mum & dad are around, I rushed to Maha Vihara to fetch a monk to chant for her and had the blessing of meeting a very kind & understanding monk named Bhante Sumangala who came and chanted few verses from the suttas for her. After chanting, Bhante used a spoon and fed some holy water into my grandma's mouth. He said this is more effective than sprinkling holy water in the case of a dying person.

While fetching Bhante Sumangala back to Maha Vihara, my mum called and informed me that my grandma had passed away soon after we left. This is how unpredictable life can be. A doctor in the ICU once told me: I've seen cases where people stuck around critical patients' bedside 24/7, but sadly the patients died the moment their loved ones walked away to the toilet. Our family then convened to decide which funeral service to engage. I pulled up a name card which I kept in my pocket for the last 3 years: Koperasi Buddhisme Malaysia Berhad (Malaysian Buddhist Co-operative Society Limited). Their Funeral Directors, Bro Kelvin Lim and Sis Didi Chan impressed me when they conducted the funeral for a friend's father few years back.

I called Bro Kelvin and within few hours he turned up and arranged everything for me. By the next day, the setup for my grandma's funeral was done with 2 altars: one in Theravada tradition (which I practice) and the other in Mahayana tradition (which my family practice). Kelvin took great patience to explain to my parents Buddhist traditions and ways. I then fetch 3 monks from Maha Vihara to chant and conduct transference of merits to my grandma. It was absolutely heartwarming to see my 5 years old daughter kneeling down and giving respect during the whole time the monks were chanting and later gave a talk on the Dhamma.

Because my grandma died during the Chinese new year holidays, we decided not to inform anyone except for a few close relatives. Most Chinese are "pantang" (fearful) about attending funeral during auspicious period. Except for the Mahayana nuns that Kelvin arranged to chant in the evening, we were prepared for a quiet funeral since few people knew. Fortunately, my mum met a Pureland Buddhist follower who enquired if we want them to chant for my grandma later in the night. To our surprise and amazement, a big number of people turned up that night to chant for my grandma. The whole place resonated with Amitofo, Amitofo, Amitofo... as they chanted in unison and I felt so much loving kindness and compassion from these kind folks. I've joined supportive chanting group before but never have I seen a group this size, this many. My mum said it's my grandma's blessing to have so many people chanting for her.

After 2 nights, we buried my grandma in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Today our family gathered there to pay respect to a great grandma whose strength and willpower epitomizes what family bond is all about.

Save the children of Gaza

2009-01-12T23:29:00.005+08:00

2009 signaled the start of a trying year for me as a father with a 5 years old daughter who just started school. It's hard to juggle my demanding job with my family obligations. Being a single parent made things more difficult. Thank goodness I have my wonderful sis to help take care of my daughter as good as any mother can. Of course, I'm totally grateful to my parents and aunt too.

As my heart warmed to the fun-filled antics of my precocious daughter in her daily carefree routine of playtime, meals and learning, I can't help but wonder about those who are less fortunate than her. Children suffering from wars, hungers, crimes, abuse and all manners of cruelty. Read about my previous posts on Blood Diamond and Rwanda to understand what I mean.

The recent atrocities committed by Israel against civilians and children in Gaza is a reflection of the First Noble Truth - life is suffering. I can't help but wonder how would a parent feel to see their children killed right in front of their eyes; to see them crying out loud in agony and pain from the wounds inflicted by bullets, shrapnels, broken glasses and rubbles. Think it'll never happen to your child? What if natural disasters and accidents strike? Read my dedication to Demi Adams.

Try something with me. See the pictures above. Look at the lifeless bodies of the dead children and babies. Now close your eyes, imagine one of them is your child. Say to yourself: the unthinkable has happened - your child is dead, motionless, limbs and body stiff - no amount of crying and shaking will wake them up. You'll never hear cute giggling or laughing anymore. Nothing... just a lifeless body and dead silence. Can you feel the pain and grief of parents who lost their children in this war? Can you imagine how excruciating it is: to have your loved ones taken away from you in such cruel ways.

Whatever claims Israel has against Palestine and it's people, it's gone when they killed civilians indiscriminately. Nothing justify such blatant violations of humanity and disregard for human lives. This is not about the Arab-Israel conflict, it's not about a country sovereignty and it's right to defend itself. It's simply about soldiers killing civilians and children. I'm not going to suggest any specific course of action but as long as you are aware of the sufferings faced by the Palestinian people, then I'm sure your wisdom will lead the way for you. In fact, if everyone is aware of the pain and suffering from war and cherish peace with all their heart, all their might; this world will be a better place.

Khanti

2008-12-01T04:34:00.004+08:00

I've learned a lot regarding patience last month. Firstly, a fellow colleague scolded me harshly for no apparent reasons. I refrained from retaliating telling myself that anger cannot be overcome by anger, only by patience and understanding.

Then I got cheated by my new car salesman who promised me many things but not only broke many of them, he cheated me again later. I kept my cool telling myself those are just material/monetary losses, and not to get too attached to them. I will lodge official complaint soon but will try my best to refrain from scolding him.

Lastly, I got into an argument in the Internet forum over some products which I was promoting till it escalated into names calling. I took hold of my pride, admitted that he presented valid points, and apologized for my insensitive remarks. Immediately he responded with a softer tone and we made our peace. Nice result from being patience and not giving in to my pride.

I must say that in all those episodes, I was indeed angry and felt wronged. But I refrained from acting on my anger. I managed to be mindful that acting on anger is not wholesome at all, and hope that I've acted with skillful means in all those instances. This is the perfection of Khanti. May the lights of patience shine through our pride, anger and ignorance.

Tzu Chi Foundation

2008-10-26T22:13:00.007+08:00

Been wanting to blog about Tzu Chi Foundation since the first time I encountered them during the funeral of Venerable Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda.

Founded in 1966 by Dharma Master Cheng Yen in the impoverished east coast of Taiwan, the Tzu Chi Foundation has been contributing to better social and community services, medical care, education and humanitarian efforts all over the world. My Taiwanese friend Mark used to tell me how their volunteers would be the first one to arrive to help flood victims in Taiwan even faster than any other relief agencies.

Their Malaysian chapter, Buddhist Tzu Chi Merits Society helps everyone regardless of race, religion and all the labels we used to separate or differentiate ourselves. They provided assistance and relief to the Johor flood victims during and after the flood. Their Dialysis Centers provided not only medical assistance to the needy but also help uplift their lives by encouraging them help collect, sort and sell recyclable materials to provide operating funds for the three centers. Serving a worthy cause brightened the lives of these volunteers who are also patients.

What impressed me most is the manner which Tzu Chi Merits Society volunteers help people. During the Sichuan earthquake in China, they came to Low Yat Plaza to collect funds to help the earthquake victims. They stationed two persons teams in the main entrance and near all the escalators. Then they smile and bow down graciously to everyone who pass by with the hope of getting a donation from them. I inserted some money into the donation box and went upstairs to see my dealers. About half an hour later, I came back downstairs, and saw them still smiling and bowing their head down continuously. It's amazing, such gracious respect and honour given to everyone who walks by regardless whether the person donates or not. I gave again and felt moved and inspired by such gestures of humility and sincerity.

My deepest admiration and salute goes to Tzu Chi Foundation as an organisation that demonstrate compassionate wisdom with affirmative actions.

Food for Thoughts

2008-08-11T23:10:00.006+08:00

Susan arranged for a nice family dinner yesterday. The restaurant is call Xian Tien and it's run by her spiritual movement society Bai Tian Gong. I recalled one of the better known dish there is fried frog legs. Now I know some of you are squirmy about eating 4-legged amphibians but let me tell you that frogs are quite a delicacy in Asian and Chinese cuisine.

It struck upon me that the frogs in that restaurant are normally kept alive before being cooked. Now I'm in a dilemma, I would not like to eat meat knowing it's specifically killed for me. This is in line with the Buddha's teachings. But I wouldn't want to disappoint Susan and her family who love this dish. So I tried not to eat any, actually I don't enjoy frog meat anyway.

This whole episode lead me to learn more about the Buddha's teachings on eating meat:

"Monks, I allow you fish and meat that are quite pure in three respects: if they are not seen, heard or suspected to have been killed on purpose for a monk. But, you should not knowingly make use of meat killed on purpose for you." - Jivaka Sutta, MN 55.

My understanding is this is more than a dietary rule. It covers consideration for other living beings and to discourage killing a living being to specifically feed another. Another way to practice compassion and selflessness while cultivating right thought and right action.

As I read more for this entry, I discovered that there are 10 types of meat (humans, elephants, horses, dogs, snakes, lions, tigers, leopards, bears and hyenas) which are prohibited by Buddhism. I'm glad I'm more wary of the Buddha's teachings from this episode. More details here.

As for eating beef, my understanding is that this is not a prohibited meat according to the Buddha's teachings. It's more a Hindu and Chinese belief (esp. those who pay homage to Guan Yin) that one should not eat beef. I do however, agreed with the saying that one should be grateful to those who have provided for us. So it's certainly not grateful to eat the cows and bulls who plow our paddy fields and work so hard for us. Although we use mostly rice tractors today, it's the thought that counts.

So Sick of Love Songs

2008-07-13T06:46:00.011+08:00

6.51am, just came home from a long meeting. Still haven't hit the sack. My mind kept humming a fabulous song I heard over the radio today. This song basically sums up my sentiment toward the "romance is everything" mentality these days. So here it is, from Ne-Yo, So Sick:

This song dedicated to:

1. Those who strive to be happy no matter what their relationship status is: single, in one, in between, married, separated, divorced, widowed etc.

2. Those who sacrifice their personal relationship and dedicate their lives to helping and caring for others.

3. Those who refuse to settle for a lesser partner just for the sake of having a relationship.

4. Those who have grown up to be stronger and wiser from a broken relationship.

5. Me, because I believed you don't need to be romantic to be romantic, and to be in love to know love.

Break-Ups and Broken-Hearted

2008-05-04T04:06:00.010+08:00

Fresh from losing my old friend Quan and seeing how much his widow grieves, another friend came to me with her own break-up and separation. It's not proper to reveal the details of her break-up but suffice to say, she's really broken-hearted.

When you love someone deeply, it's really agonizing and utterly disorienting to lose that person. Especially if you spend a lot of time with him/her and your life revolves around that person. So as she shared with me how she wish he will change his mind or how uncertain life is without him, I felt so helpless and sad that a person has to go through so much pain from the failure of a relationship. I tried to comfort her by suggesting she stay calm, live one day at a time and keep busy with work or hobbies knowing very well it's easier said than done. Then my mind reflect back to the Buddha's teachings that there is dukkha in life, it's inescapable as long as we are trap in Samsara (rounds of birth and rebirth). I felt calmer and this strengthened my resolve to be there for her as much as possible.

Around the same time, my old buddy in US called and told me that his relationship of 8 years with his girlfriend is on the verge of a break-up. I knew the both of them quite well and I was shocked to hear after being in a long distance relationship for so long, she wants to call it quits. Well, life can be unpredictable at times, and I can testify to that. Again, I felt lost and defeated simply because I cannot think of one concrete solution to offer him to save his dear relationship.

Whenever I hear of relationship break-ups and friends broken-hearted, my thoughts race to Dhammapadha Verse 61 of which the Buddha asked us to choose the right partner otherwise just stay single (my understanding of it). But this is really hard to do for many people, especially when most of us (me included) crave love, attention, emotional and physical satisfaction, or what Buddhism call attachment to sense pleasure. Personally, this is one tough nut to crack. Through the few break-ups my friends have shared with me, I've resisted sharing this verse with them because I've learned that sharing the Dhamma must be tempered by wisdom and compassion. So I decided to just focus on being there for them whenever they need me. I hope they'll do the same for me when I'm down.

All these sorrowful episodes made me depressed and I wonder why we all have to go through so much pain whenever our relationship failed. I mean, why have relationship at all if the risk is such bitter agony from break-ups and separations. Then I called my 4 years old daughter to say hello and asked her how's her day. She greeted me with enthusiasm, and she told me she had "chicken, carrot and potato" for her dinner. Her sweet and cute little voice lifted me and suddenly it dawned on me: children don't have relationship blues, why? Of course they don't have the kind of relationships adults have but the point is: they have simple needs. They don't feel the pain we feel because they have simple needs. This does NOT mean I'm against romantic relationship but rather I'm sharing a discovery I've made that if we reduce our craving (in this instance, for "love" of all kinds), we can reduce our suffering. And this is not to say if I do face a break-up, I'll not feel sad. But it put things in perspective: if we do suffer break-ups, it's not the end of the world. Remember the times that we were happy with just "chicken, carrot and potato".

Some useful articles:
Breakdown of a break-up - what, when, why, how?

How to cope - as dumper and dumpee (pardon the phrases, it's in the article)

In Memory of Quan Chee Kheong

2008-03-29T18:58:00.014+08:00

A good and old friend passed away around 5.40am last Wednesday, 19th March, 2008. from apparent heart failure. His name is Quan Chee Kheong.

Quan has been my friend since 1988. A tall, muscular and handsome fella, he enjoyed working out in the gym, golfing, watching soccer, movies and just being with his family and friends. Therefore it caught me by complete surprise when he suffered a massive heart attack in 2003. His health deteriorated from then on and it's painful to see him so weak and frail. His loving wife Susan was by his side and took good care of him continously. This is what real love is all about: sticking by your loved one in sickness and in health.

Quan was a friendly, helpful and caring friend. I remembered him helping me often when I needed someone who can speak Thai. I remembered him visiting Hua Li in ICU and comforting me despite his weak and frail condition. I remembered him standing in silent solitude over my comatose wife, an assuring and towering figure of strength. He has always helped me whenever I asked. Having an affinity for Thai people, and their culture, he has been a good friend to many Thai people who settled down here, my late Hua Li being one of them.

I'm sure his past training as a lay monk in Thailand helped him cope with his heart ailment with such patience and equaminity. Till Susan explained to me the suffering he has been going through after his heart attack, I never knew a heart patient has to go through so much pain and ache. Yet I never hear him complain or lament about his condition despite not being able to do all those activities he love so much in the past.

His passing has brought a timely awakening to me who has been too busy working in my demanding business. Never take our health for granted, never forget our friends and do good whenever we can. Our family, friends and wealth will be left behind when we die, but our legacy and good deeds will follow us to the next life. And I'm sure my good friend, you have moved on to a better place. May the Triple Gem guide and protect you always, wherever you are. Thank you for your friendship and inspiring me to be a better person. You'll always be remembered.

Contentment as an Antidote for Depression

2008-02-15T08:30:00.012+08:00

Took an audio CD from Buddhist Maha Vihara last month. Listened to it many times and I was impressed with the whole talk. The talk entitled "Contentment as an Antidote for Depression" was presented by Dr. Pang Cheng Kar, a medical doctor from HKL with clinical experience in psychology and psychiatry. The good Doc articulated the concept of "what we think will determine how we feel".

This is very close to what The Buddha taught as stated in Dhammapada Chapter 1, Verse 1 & 2:
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with an impure mind, and trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart... Speak or act with a pure mind, and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakable.

Dr. Pang outlined 5 thought patterns that can make us depressed, based on the model by Dr. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy.

1. Generalization: exaggerate and over-amplified matters.

2. Catastrophic Thinking: projecting the worse of the future.

3. Dichotomous or Dualistic Thinking: think of everything in black and white, either success or failure, good or bad, intelligent or stupid etc. No shades, no in-betweens, no tolerance.

4. Personalization: finding faults constantly, with ourselves or others.

5. Absolute thinking: everything is a must. Extreme craving for certain results or outcomes.

All these 5 thought patterns have something in common: fault finding.

He then introduced some ways to cope or overcome depression by conditioning how we think, namely developing contentment. And this is beautiful: he suggest we keep a Diary or Book of Contentment for ourselves. Cultivate or develop contentment by jotting down all the wonderful things that happened to us. For me, this blog is my own diary of contentment.

There are 3 things we can write down in our Book of Contentment:

1. Be grateful for the things that didn't go wrong. Things we take for granted, for eg. our health, enough food to eat, a proper place to stay, peaceful country etc. Many others are suffering from poor health, lost of limbs or abilities, wars and deprived of basic human needs.

2. Be grateful for things that went right. Rejoice for all the good things that happened to you: a caring & supportive family, spouse, a good education, good career, thriving business and all the fine things you have been enjoying in life. Avoid craving for more by rejoicing in them continously as if they just happened yesterday. Dr. Pang shared how he is still thankful for the scholarship he received years ago.

3. Be grateful for things that went wrong. This is highest level of developing contentment. I guessed all of us are too eager to blame but forget to learn from our mistakes. It is the bitter events in our lives that offer us the opportunities to grow and mature into a wiser, better person. This is what Dr. Pang meant by "transformative suffering", learning from our hardship or our pains. By understanding and accepting the fact that our lives will always have ups and downs, we become more forgiving, tolerant and patient to ourselves and others, and in the process, become a happier person.

I dunno about you, but to me, Contentment equals Happiness.

PS. Clinical depression is different from the low mood or blues we sometimes feel. And do note that complacency, indifference or apathy is NOT contentment.

Gatha for Metta - remembering the Tsunami

2008-01-02T01:51:00.002+08:00

Found a touching poem while browsing E-Sangha forum today. This poem was written after the Tsunami struck Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004, killing about 230,000 people, with tens of thousands missing and over one million displaced. What I like most about this poem is the way it encourages loving kindness and compassion; over everything else that judge, label and separate us along cultural, racial or religious lines. Here is the beautiful poem, written by Beth Vieira:

When there is destruction and death,
may all beings be relieved of suffering.

When there is no one to blame,
may all beings be relieved of judgement.

When there is a lost mother and a crying child,
may all beings be relieved of their tears.

When there is utter incomprehension,
may all beings be relieved of confusion.

When there is no way to do anything,
may all beings be relieved of their helplessness.

May the world and all beings be relieved from the suffering
of pain and death, destruction and illness, fear and doubt.

May the world and all beings be free of danger
and find safe harbor in the loving arms of compassion.

May compassion and hope bring together all beings,
holding hands and holding each other in gentle lovingkindness.

So as we celebrate and welcome the new year, please remember that there are some less fortunate people who are suffering and languishing in many poverty stricken slums or war torn places, without any proper meals or a roof over their heads, in pain and diseased. Let us cherish our lives and those around us. Let us show care and concern whenever we can, and make our lives more meaningful. By remembering them, and let this be a catalyst of change for the new us in 2008.

New Year Wishes for 2008

2007-12-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

During the year may you have
Enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
Enough enthusiasm to make you positive.
Enough determination to make each day better.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008

PS. These new year wishes are not written by me. For my pals or those who are wondering why wish trials and failure to another, my view is that even when we are face with bad things or unfortunate events, there are good things that can come out of it. There will always be ups and downs in life. Just because we are down, it does not mean we cannot learn from it, and be a stronger, wiser and nicer person thereon. Wishing everyone here the strength to face adversity and the wisdom to grow from it.

Enchanted

2007-12-29T05:04:00.003+08:00

OK, after that gloomy reflection earlier, another thing is on my mind this month: Disney Enchanted.

I don't considered myself to be a romantic guy and I enjoyed piercing sarcasm and black humor more (think In Living Color) but somehow this movie caught something in me (well, Madagascar too, but that was coz of the 4 mafiaso Penguins). Enjoy the catchy soundtrack of this movie:

Like it? It's hard not to. This tune has been ringing in my mind for past few weeks. Know why? Personally I feel it's coz when you are always happy and positive, you shine on others like the bright sun on a cool windy beach. That's why Amy Adams jovial, bubbly, caring and thoughtful character is soooooooo addictive. She simply draws people to her like a magnet. That's how we should live our lives: to bring joy and happiness to people around us, and they in turn will bring joy and happiness back to us. Merry Christmas and happy holidays folks! :)

Soldiering on

2007-12-29T03:59:00.001+08:00

Been busy busy last 2 months: new distributorship, new products, new models, PC Fair, 1U Fair, Courts Mutiara opening etc. Without realising it, all these took a heavy toll on my values and principles. I tried not to blame myself for my choice of profession and business but I guess this is what The Buddha meant when he asked us to pursue the Right Livelihood and Right Effort. Choosing the right profession and prioritizing our lives are so important to our happiness and well-being.

When workload piled up and things got screwed up, your patience will be running thin, and frustrations will set in. Then next thing you know, KABOOM! I lose my temper more often, was rude to people, yelled at people, even more subtle but recently noticeable: starting to lose my generosity and thoughtfulness. Though I realised it sometime back, I shove it aside once I started to work incessantly and today, I don't like who I saw in the mirror: a cold and temperamental workaholic. To make things worse, I took home my office demo rig, the one with an AMD Athlon64 X2 6000+ and Albatron 8800GT 512MB VGA. Put an ex-Gamer with a high powered Gaming PC and what you get: an addicted Gamer all over again! :P

Fortunately I'm still mindful of the suffering due to "wanting" - chasing goals so hard that one ignore all the goodness that one can offer to others. I intend to slow things down by going to the temple more often, spending time with my family, catching up with friends, and if need be, sacrifice some of my business objectives. Most of all, I hope to regain my "changed" self again.

Note to self: Guard my thoughts, watch my deeds. Soldier on...

Guan Yin and Wise Sayings of The Buddha

2007-10-30T02:50:00.001+08:00

Took my family to the temple today, to pay homage to Guan Yin Pusa, also known as Avalokiteshvara in Sanskrit or Chenrezig according to Tibetan Buddhism. To me, Guan Yin is the embodiment of compassion and loving kindness.

As I kneeled down to pay homage to Guan Yin, I wanted to recite "Om Mani Padme Hung" 108 times but failed on my first attempt. There were simply too many distractions. So I got up, took the vegetarian lunch, and after a short break, went down on my knees again. This time, I reminded myself to be mindful of the present, not to let my mind stray, and just focus on chanting. After chanting about 20 times, my mind started to wonder and even tried to convince me to stop at 30 times. I then bring my thoughts to the parami (perfection) of "Adhitthana" or determination. Each time I recalled Adhitthana, I persevered on and on till I chanted 108 times. Now this might not seem like an arduous task to many but it is to me, since I have a restless mind centered on worldly affairs. But this episode made me realized the value of mindfulness and determination.

Came home and watched YouTube to relax. Ran a few searches on Guan Yin and found 2 very inspiring videos:

1. A mesmerizing dance representing Guan Yin with the following words of wisdom:

As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
A thousand hands will naturally come to your aid
As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
You will reach out with a thousand hands to help others

2. A video of a demure girl quoting the wise teachings of Siddhāttha Gotama; The Buddha. I've read some before but it's truly inspiring when I viewed and listened to them in this video. I guess the presenter in this video has a natural flair for delivering the wise sayings of The Buddha.

PS. Thank you Sarah Swofford for the absolutely beautiful recitations.

Free Burma, support the Saffron Revolution!

2007-10-18T02:19:00.000+08:00

I followed the anti-government protests and cries for help in Burma (now Myanmar) with concern since mid September. I remembered reading an article that said since the monks have joined the protest, the oppressive military government (junta) in Burma are now caught between a rock and a hard place, mainly because it's unimaginable that the junta will use force on the peaceful monks in Burma.

That article struck two thoughts in me:

1. Why would Buddhist monks, who have renounced the secular world to lead a homeless life, take such an active part in politics?

2. What if the unthinkable happen: the military junta decides to use force on these monks?

Guess what? The unthinkable happened. The military junta in Burma finally used violent means to suppress the protest in yet AGAIN another brutal crackdown. Scores of people including monks were arrested, beaten, shot, brutalized and killed. The soldiers and policemen, acting on orders from the junta, stormed many temples and monasteries to detain monks and from the accounts of what I've read and viewed: tortured and killed many monks in horrifying ways.

For decades, the military junta have ruled Burma with an iron fist with total disregard for the welfare of the people. Poverty and famine is at an all time high and there are virtually no proper education or job opportunities with many brutal crackdowns on the intellectuals and students in Burma.

Burma, already one of the world's poorest nations, recently saw a ninefold increase in the price of oil and a 40% increase in the price of rice, which made the incompetent and power-hungry junta fearful of any popular uprising, hence even monks were not spared from the brutality as they struggle to cling on to power. Such clinging and lust for power are invariably destructive and the cause of untold sufferings.

Under such extreme conditions, it’s impossible for the people of Burma to practice the Dhamma, let alone maintain a calm and serene mind. Therefore, the monks out of deep compassion for all those suffering in Burma, decided to take part in a peaceful protest with the hope that the military junta would do something to alleviate the suffering and improve the welfare of all Burmese citizens. By doing so, the holy Sangha, as the protector of the noble Dhamma, now lies completely brutalized and shattered by the oppressive and inhuman regime in Burma.

If you happened to read this, please try to:

1. Say a prayer or send your good thoughts to people and monks in Burma who are suffering now.

2. See what you can do HERE.

I leave you to ponder over these two quotes:

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing – Edmund Burke.
(This happens to be my Karate grandmaster Vince Morris sensei's favorite quote)

There are times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest - Elie Wiesel.
(Let's take protest in this context to include active compassionate action: saying a prayer or good thoughts, sharing the news regarding Burma, donating to the people of Burma, appealing to the UN and your government to help the people of Burma and etc.)

Free Burma! Free Myanmar! Support the Saffron Revolution!

Organs donation

2007-10-12T03:13:00.000+08:00

Been mulling over this since 2001. It was Susan who first shared with me the idea of donating organs upon death, having pledge her organs sometime ago. Discovering Buddhism led me to deeper thoughts of this matter.

The Star report on the successful second transplant for heart patient Tee Hui Yi is both touching and eye-opening. Touching because the parents of a young mechanic who died in an accident put aside their grief for what must be a shocking loss to consent to donating their son organs.

Eye-opening when I read more than 100,000 Malaysians have pledged their organs but in reality only 25 have donated their organs to save lives, mainly because many families or next of kin do not agree to the organ donation. Tee Hui Yi can be considered extremely lucky to have found 2 suitable donors within a span of just 24 hours after the body rejected the first transplant. I see it as her good kamma from her past merits ripening at the right time.

It took a team of more than 14 specialists and senior nurses from IJN (Institut Jantung Negara) two grueling days performing the two transplants on Hui Yi. So much effort just to save one person. This truly illustrates the dedication and commitment of doctors to save lives, and shows just how precious human life is. It's so easy to take away a life, but so difficult to save one. May we all learn to live peacefully without enmity and violence.

I'll try to spend more time to deeply consider donating my own organs. Read here for more info on organs donation. Susan, if you are reading this, thanks for sharing.

Things you can never undo

2007-09-25T15:28:00.000+08:00

Here's an enjoyable and meaningful story sent to me by my ex-colleague and good friend, Santhana Mary.

May we all be blessed with wisdom in our thoughts, words and deeds, to act with skillful means in our lives.

Which one do you feed?

2007-09-16T03:48:00.000+08:00

I once heard that inside all of us, there are two wolves constantly fighting: LOVE and HATE.

Do you know which one will win eventually? It's the one you feed the most.

So be mindful of your thoughts always. Wishing you peace and harmony.

Loving kindness - an everlasting beauty

2007-09-10T10:24:00.001+08:00

When I look at thee

What beauty do I see

When I remember your deeds

What inspiration you truly give

When I'm drowned in grief

Your memories always give me a lift

When I'm lost in greed

It's your advice that I heed

You will always be my lead

Providing that which I need

Though it might not be what I seek

It's definitely a righteous seed

Your loving kindness is inspiring indeed

For your legacy will never ever cease...

Rats!

2007-09-06T17:32:00.009+08:00

While my aunt was cooking supper for me, all of sudden she screamed. I ran to the kitchen and asked her what happened. She pointed to the stove and I saw a long tail under cooking stove, it's a rat!

Despite my best attempt to catch it using a plier, the rat escape. Don't ever underestimate the strength and speed of this animal. Later my aunt setup a trap using a rat cage with a bait inside. A short while later, it caught the rat!

While I recalled my grandma used to dispose any rats she caught by putting it under the hot sun, I assumed my aunt would do the same tomorrow morning. But I was wrong, she calmly told me to follow her outside the house to release the rat somewhere into the bushes. This is a pleasant and meaningful surprise for me, she's actually practicing the First Precept (refrain from killing) right in front of me. This episode taught me to respect all living beings no matter big or small, beautiful or ugly. The way my aunt handled it, the rat won't be pest in my house and yet no harm comes to it. Thanks aunt for this lesson in wisdom and compassion.

Massacre at Virginia Tech

2007-04-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

Horrors beneath tranquility: who would believe this serene place can be the site for the most gruesome mass slayings in the history of USA?

What a shocking loss of human lives, the senseless massacre in Virginia Tech University serves another lesson on how fragile human lives can be, and although death is a certainty for all of us, we can never know when it'll happen.

But IMHO, the deepest tragedy in this very dark episode is how we continue to ignore or neglect those who are suffering from mental problems. To make matter worse: we laugh, tease or bully those whom we perceived to be "different" from us, adding to their misery and anguish. Have we become so perverse that we take pleasure from teasing or bullying people till they break down and become festered with delusions, anger and hatred. Who is more responsible here: a society that doesn't care or a loner who's delusional and cannot tell right from wrong? Could active pre-emptive action like compelling or coercing him into therapy radically change the outcome of this tragic episode? I think we owe this much to ourselves and those killed to at least think and reflect on this matter, for the betterment of our future generation and to preserve the sanity and sanctity of our existence as human beings in this world.

We can certainly do with more understanding, compassion and loving kindness in our world today, esp. to those suffering from mental problems and anguish. Perhaps this is best sum up in a letter to the killer, Cho Seung-hui on his memorial stone in Virginia Tech campus: "Seung Hui, I hope that if I ever meet someone like you, I will have the courage and strength to reach out." - signed David.

PS. To Err Is Human, To Forgive Is Divine. May we find peace through forgiveness.

First Aid and CPR course

2007-04-08T10:51:00.000+08:00

Just attended a certified First Aid and CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) course in Hospital Pantai Indah. I would like to thank my fellow gym buddies (Vince & Albert) for encouraging me to sign up for this useful course.

Initially I was hesistant to sign up for this 2 full days course coz I imagined it to be a dry & boring course. Well, was I wrong! The first 10 mins already pique my interest when Fideal answered wrongly on what to do when you have a deep cut on your wrist or forearm - do you know torniquet (a tightly tied band applied around a body part, eg. an arm or a leg) has been banned as First Aid procedure sometime back? It's a dangerous technique so only hospitals used them in the surgeries nowadays. After hearing the many case studies presented, I can only conclude one thing: ignorance can kill! It's better not to do anything if you do not know First Aid. That's the strange thing about delusion and ignorance, people still think it's bliss!

All in all, we learned about First Aid treatments for wounds, bleeding, amputations, fractures, burns, shock and finally CPR. Definitely a useful course. I think many of us take our lives for granted (me included) and think that help can arrive on time whenever there are emergencies. Actually the first few mins in cases like choking, heart attack, severe bleeding, drowning are crucial in determining a victim's survival rate. My instructor said, "...bring to us 70% alive, then we can do something." Even ensuring that the victim's breathing airway is clear can make the difference between life and death - head tilt, chin lift.

Again it proved that I should never let my feelings ruled over my good instincts or common sense. I should always endevour to do good no matter how bored or tired I feel. Learning life saving skills such as First Aid and CPR might prove to be invaluable one day, echoing the common saying we used for learning martial arts: "better to know and not need it than need it but do not know."

Blood Diamond - watch what you buy

2007-02-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

Watched another great movie that highlights the how greed and ignorance cause untold suffering to so many people. Blood Diamond, a movie by Edward Zwick, shows us how the people in Africa (eg. minerals-rich nations like Sierra Leone) are enslaved, tortured, maimed and killed in order to harvest diamonds primarily to cater to the demand of the "developed" countries. It's a vicious cycle: the government want to harvest diamonds to stay in power, while those against the government harvest diamonds to overthrow them. Both need money, both need arms: diamond=money=arms=power. Ignorance perpetuate greed perpetuate hate and this never ends. It sank so low that sometimes people even forgot why or what they are fighting for? For the common citizens, killing is simply a way of life there: T.I.A (this is Africa - shit happens).

Being forced to work in diamond mines under inhuman conditions.

But there are people who refused to believe that there's nothing we can do about it. Characters in the movie like Maddy Bowen, who believed that every single step she takes, no matter how small, how insignificant, can somehow makes a different. Who refused to live in denial or cynicism or look the other way. There are people like that in the real world. And these people gives us hope for a more caring world, and alerts us that they are many out there who are suffering greatly. Same for the people who work tirelessly to bring relief effort to conflict zones and war refugees or victims like the workers and volunteers of UNHCR, ICRC, Doctors Without Borders and many more.

In a way, I'm glad that there are more and more movies coming out highlighting the plights and sufferings of those living in Africa: Sometimes in April, Tears of the Sun and Lord of War are recent films that do more than just entertain. As said by Barbara Vancheri of Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: "The movie does not suggest consumers boycott diamonds, just that they be vigilant in asking about their origin."

In order to reduce mental defilements, I've tried to be selective about the kind of movies I watch nowadays. Though some of these movies are classified as "R" or "PG", and often depict violence, I think overall they still manage to send a good message: ignorance, greed and hatred cause much sufferings to many. We need to be wary of how materialism and consumerism is driving our lives and how it affects those around us and everyone all over the world. Hope we all become more mindful of what we buy in the future, and why we need to buy them. Always ask about the origins of the diamonds you want to buy to avoid buying conflict diamonds.

Goodness is infectious

2007-01-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

I felt sad for the victims of the flood in Malaysia, esp. those in Johor. Imagined all these people losing so much in such a short time: their properties, vehicles, home appliances, fittings, furnitures, beds, crops, livestocks - all destroyed by the flood water. Do you know how hard a typical person would need to save to refit his home? Not only that, most families were displaced and have to live in crowded "relief" centers, usually school halls converted into makeshift camps. I wondered what relief these places can bring? Most tragic of all, humans and animals lives were lost in the floods. Some people took unneccessary risks by driving through flooded roads and others were simply swept away by the heavy current. So much losses in so short a time.

I write not to gripe but to highlight how we all take our daily lives for granted, and how tragedy can strike anytime anywhere. I tried to imagine if I too lost everything in a flood, and it was really depressing just to think about it. When I heard that the Red Crescent was seeking donations in any kind, I asked my whole family to gather as much clothings as we can give away. At that point, I felt it would not be much, so I wondered if I can seek the help of my friends at the gym.

I called Vince, my coach to ask if I can use his gym as a staging area to gather clothes from all the members. He said YES and he posted a message on the notice board in the gym. I proceeded to post on our forum and sms everyone. The response I got was amazing! First day, a few packs came in and by the fourth or fifth day, I must have collected about 20 packs of clothings, including some children clothing too, all nicely packed and labelled according to the gender.

It was very thoughtful of the Red Crescent to open their place 24 hours so that I can drop in anytime. I'm so touched that so many people chipped in whatever they can. When I reached the Red Crescent office, there are many foodstuffs in boxes around, but few packs of clothings. I hope that what little we gave would be helpful to those affected by the flood. I really salute all those volunteers who took time off to help the flood victims because without them, the losses (including human lives) would be much more tragic. Thank goodness the media highlighted the victims plight so that many can chip in and pour their resources to help. Goodness is indeed infectious if you start the ball rolling. Go ahead, spread some goodness around...

Why Buddhism?

2007-01-16T12:52:00.003+08:00

I discovered Buddhism after the untimely passing of Hua Li. To me, the Dhamma is truly beautiful and stood tall as the ultimate truth. I've found peace, harmony, joy and happiness from practicing Buddhism.

The more I learned, discovered and practiced, the more I'm convinced of The Buddha's teachings (the Dhamma) - truly in the spirit of "Ehi Passiko" - come see for yourselves. It's not pressurizing nor something that instill anxiety or fear (believe or go to hell). It's teachings will appeal to your common sense and reasonings - eg. we do not need God or anyone to tell us that murder is wrong. The more we practice it, the more we will gain confidence of efficacy of the Dhamma. It exhort us to look within: avoid evil, do good, purify the mind.

The teachings of impermanence, dukkha, no-self, conditioned existence, kamma and rebirth are very real indeed, supported by scientific backings & researched data. More importantly, you will experience them personally as you practice Buddhism.

Practicing Buddhism will lead us to happiness now, happiness hereafter and finally: complete and total liberation from suffering.

Wishing everyone success in following the path till fruition. HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS.

With Metta,
Charles /\

Donating blood

2006-12-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

Donated blood recently in Pusat Darah Negara. I've been donating blood regularly since the last 3 years, thanks to the encouragement of my friend Susan. So Susan, if you are reading this - mucho gracias for encouraging me to do this good deed often.

In my previous times, I went with the a big group so although I had to wait for awhile, it was a jovial affair. This is the first time I went alone and it gave me opportunity to notice few things:

1. Most of the blood donor were Malays.
2. Most of them were in their thirties and above.
3. There was a good mix of male and female donors.
4. Most of the donors looked like they are from the lower income group.

Now I know it's bad of me to make conclusion based on a single observation but it sets me thinking: why aren't there many Chinese donors, why aren't there any young donors, why are the donors mainly from the lower income group?

Pusat Darah Negara provides a clean environment with comfortable chairs and TVs for blood donors to relax.

This trip was really an eye-opener to me on various levels. It taught me to discard my prejudice (& discrimination) against Islam being an "uncaring" religion. Thinking back, I realised that most nurses are Malay too, regardless of whether it's a private or public hospital. I dislike drawing conclusion along racial or religious lines but I think there is something good, noble and admirable about the Malays in our country and the way they live their lives: they care enough to serve, and contribute whatever ways they can. Look at how they work & cook together during kenduri and you'll understand what closeness is.

What about the Chinese here? I think most of us are too busy chasing wealth for ourselves and our families to notice that there are others out there who desperately need our help. This phenomena is probably not attributed to race or religions but it shows the downside of materialism. While the poor may have not much to give, their contributions such as donating blood and organs often make the difference between life and death. I guess sometimes we need to slow down our engine to see that we can make a difference if we want to, if we choose to. For the uninitiated, donating blood is a painless and fast process. You may also choose to donate blood products such as plasma and platelets through the Apheresis machines. Our local Pusat Darah Negara provides a very cosy and comfortable ambience for you to donate blood, with nice snacks and vitamins for donors. Try it, do something meaningful today.

Sickness is unpredictable

2006-11-22T14:45:00.001+08:00

My mum & dad with Angelina, my little princess.

My two and a half years old daughter, Angelina Wong Zhi Yan vomited non-stop last Sunday nite. My whole family got so worried about her condition. Despite vomiting many times, she did not cried much. She is a strong girl, like her late mother. We took her to the clinic and Maxalon was administered through her rectum to prevent it from being vomited out. After few hours, the vomiting persist so we have to admit her to Pantai hospital around 4am. By then, my dad was down with constant diarrhoea but he came with us, being the super-grandfather that he is.

Angelina was brought to the ward around 6am for saline infusion to replace the loss fluids and keep the body hydrated. Angelina did not cried when they poke the IV neddle into her hands, she merely said "no more, no more...", she never cease to amaze me. By 6am, my mum started to have diarrhoea and fever too! We were fortunate the bed next to our two-bed room was empty. My mum and dad later took turns to rest on the empty bed, being exhausted from diarrhoea. The fact that my parents insisted on keeping watch on Angelina despite their tiredness and sickness, really showed me how deep my parents loved their grandaughter, and how much sacrifice our parents can make for us, which most of us took for granted.

Despite her exhaustion from the constant vomiting, she asked to go home. There is no place like home.

The Pediatrician later diagnosed my daughter as suffering from Gastroenteritis, a very serious infection of the gut. And my whole family must have caught it too, from sharing food and taking care of her. She was discharged after one day, but only got well few days later. Taking a supplement of good bacteria such as Probiotic to augment the gut proved to be helpful. My mum was the last to get well (after more than 7 days), due to her immuno-compromised condition as a cancer patient. Yet she still managed to soothe my daughter to sleep every nite during bedtime. Family love truly knows no bound and we must always treat our loved ones with appreciation, respect and care; more so since sickness and death are unpredictable.

Kathina

2006-10-20T14:38:00.000+08:00

Took my 90+ grandma to perform Kathina last Sunday in the Maha Vihara temple in Brickfields. My grandma, who took care of me and my sis when we were young, is a very rigid but caring person, esp. to us. She has been suffering from some form of senility and memory loss but could still recognize us, although she sometimes confused me for my father. She came from China in her teens to escape a forced marriage and to build a new life in Malaysia. Coming from such a poor and harsh background, naturally she was very frugal and sometimes may even be seen as selfish. Nevertheless, she brought up my mum and us very well and taught us how to save for the rainy days.

I do not know how to share my exposure to Buddhism with her considering her mental condition but I know I must do something for her at her advance age and health. She stills uttered Amitabha and pay homage to many holy images whenever she can. It was a touching moment for me to be able to assist my grandma to perform the Kathina together with my family. It rained heavily that day but but deep down my heart, I'm thankful to be given the chance to bring my grandma to perform this meritorious deed.

Almost another tragedy due to anger

2006-10-15T22:38:00.000+08:00

Was on my way to my coach and friend Sam's baby bash yesterday around 6pm, travelling at 90km along the Bukit Jalil highway when all of sudden the car in front of me slammed the break! "Oh shit!" my thought ran out as I too slammed my emergency brake while trying to avoid hitting the car in front of me. Thankfully I managed to brake in time. I looked at my rear mirror and another "Oh shit!" thought shot out as I saw the car behind wheering and wheezing dangerously to a just-in-time halt.

Once everything have settled down, it's time to find out who's the culprit who braked suddenly almost causing a 5-6 cars piled up. Someone must have banged a car in front. I overtook the "almost-pile-up" line and as I drove by, I did not see any accident. The first car was a Perodua Myvi driven by a young girl who was looking desperately outside her car window. I then noticed another young guy with a sullen face walking away from this young girl's car, in the middle of the highway!! Then it dawn upon me: apparently these two must have got into a heated quarrel and the guy probably walked out the car in anger, causing the girl to stop abruptly. To make things worse, she didn't bothered moving her car, she continued "parking" in one of lane while she looked out of her car trying to coax her boyfriend(my guess only) back in. Can you believed that - she almost caused a piled-up accident and now she just disrupt traffic by stopping her car in one of the highway's lane!

I felt annoyed and frustrated initially but it was replaced by a feeling of sadness and pity for this couple. I recalled the times when few "passengers" in my car almost caused accidents when they lost control of their emotions and acted out in anger while travelling with me. These episodes were enough to convince me the evil of anger. How anger can bring all kind of negative repercussions upon us (including death). Why we need to train our minds to prevent anger from arising and if they have arisen, resist our urge to act on it. With this premise in mind, I'm sure the world would be a happier place with fewer crimes of passion.

Forgiveness will heal pain & hatred

2006-10-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

Read about several shootings in the US last few weeks. It's so sad indeed, many precious lives were lost due to the inability of these gunmen to control their violent streaks.

As I wondered about what's our world coming to, when people address their frustration, depression, anger and hatred by killing others, a friend of mine post an article in a forum I frequent. What I read cheered me up that despite all the doom and gloom I felt about today's uncaring society, there are still many people who are capable of performing magnanimous deeds. The Amish, whose many children were either coldly executed or seriously injured by a sole gunman, apparently forgave the shooter, and even said his wife would be welcomed to their children's funeral! Read about their noble act HERE.

The Amish schoolhouse where the shootings happened.

Few key sentences come to mind:
"They talk about Monday's school shooting only in terms of forgiveness."
"... believe they need to love their enemies, which may be beyond the ability of most people..."
"...ability to grieve together, forgive as a community and realize they must move on."

Although many might find the Amish way of life strange or "unacceptable", I think we should just put our differences aside, rejoice and learn from their noble acts of forgiveness and equanimity (calm acceptance of dire situations). To me, what they did was very magnanimous when today most of us cannot even forgive those who jump queue or honk indiscriminately. Some might be interested to find out how they managed to reach such a level of patience, tolerance and forgiveness.

IMHO, I think it's coz the Amish are less self-absorbed than others. When one live in relative simplicity and does not seek comfort/pleasure constantly for the self, naturally the self-wanting diminishes and care/concern/focus for others increases. Something akin to reducing selfishness to clear the mind so we can see what's really important in life. This will often result in much inner peace and happiness to one's life. Such peace allows a person to perform deeds that may seem so magnanimous to others.

The Buddha have taught that hatred cannot be countered by hatred (such as taking revenge). Hatred can only be overcome by loving kindness. One might find it hard to forget, but it's good for everyone if one finds the way to forgive. The pain might still be around, but at least it will not fester into depression, anger or hatred. This is the wholesome way of addressing whatever "wrongs" others have done to us, something I'm still trying hard to learn and practice. Little acts of forgiveness and saying sorry have given me much peace and happiness.

The Amish way of living and noble act of forgiveness is another case in good point for those pursuing the "spiritual" path: for those who CHOOSE to live in isolation, take vow of celibacy, vow of silence, a life devoted to helping others (like Mother Teresa and volunteers of so many charities), become a monk, nun and etc. May their lives be a constant beacon of light to us.

Love and learn from our children

2006-09-27T02:30:00.000+08:00

Read the news recently about a man who stabbed his wife, pushed her out of the car, then proceeded to stab his own 2 years old daughter repeatedly until the knife is lodged in her head after a fierce quarrel with his wife while driving on the highway. His daughter is now in "extremely critical" condition as at press time. This news shocked me till my spine. Imagine a man so overcome by blind rage that he couldn't stop stabbing his own daughter till he could no longer pull the knife out of her head. What kind of man could do that? What kind of upbringing or socio-values that could lead a man to do something as horrible as this? Imagine his 2 years old daughter thoughts as she endured such extreme pain from her own father. Is this even imaginable at all? I thought of this poor girl and I thought of my own daughter Angelina who happens to be 2 years old now and I felt so disturbed and perplexed why anyone would have to endure this kind of pain and suffering, esp. an innocent 2 years old girl. My Buddhist belief would point this to her past kamma. But I learned something more important: instead of speculating and rationalising, value each present moment I spend with my daughter and loved ones.

Before this news even fade from my mind, my good buddy Alex told me that his 9 years old niece Demi has been killed in a car accident few days back. The impact of the accident was so great it threw her quite a distance away and cracked her skull. This is how fragile and unpredictable life can be. This is why we need to make the present moment counts. It would be perfect if we could all have the maturity of adults but retain the innocence of children who do not discriminate, judge, lust, envy, greed and becomes angry easily. Their vivacious giggling and ever forgiving attitude are all we need to heal this selfish and broken world.

DEDICATED TO:

DEMI ADAMS
16-JUNE-1997 TO 21-SEPTEMBER-2006

Thank you for your love and care. Like a cute little hare, I've moved on to another lair, Don't be sad or ask why and where. For all the joy & laughters we've shared, I'll be cuddling in good care.

Good intention and swift action

2006-09-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

Went shopping around for a mini aquarium yesterday. As I walked out of the shop, I noticed a female dog barking furiously around and at me. I felt strange that a stray dog would barked at me. When I reached my car, my instinct told me to look around and sure enough, I saw a puppy trapped in a huge drain near my car. The drain is deep and long, and the puppy was running along the whole drain yelping helplessly trying to find a way back to his mother. I thought for awhile and said to myself: "Oh what I can do? Just let it be...".

Then another thought came to my mind: "C'mon, do something to reduce his suffering, can' be that hard" (boy was I wrong). I jumped into the drain and slowly crept my way to the pup. What I did not expect was the pup's reaction to my rescue attempt. He was so scared that he ran further and further away as I tried to catch it. When I managed to close in, he growled and snapped at my hand which was trying to catch him.

Now I'm frustrated. I'm trying hard to rescue this poor fella but instead he ran then snapped at me. I climbed back up and by now, few people across the road was staring at this funny fella (yours truly) climbing out of the big drain. I paused and observed the pup running up and down the drain, all wet and yelping desperately while his mother barking nearby but only could hear him.

My mind told me to forget the whole thing and just jump in my car and drive home. Somehow I hesitated and kept thinking should I try again. I knew I would not be able to rescue the pup if he keeps running away from me. Then an idea came to me, why not seek the help of the young Myanmar worker in the aquarium shop I just visited. He would come from one direction and I wait in another so the pup could be caught by either of us: brilliant!! I hesitated again; how to ask, why would he help me, would his boss allow it and am I being a nuisance etc? I spent about half an hour trying to overcome my fear of asking for assistance. Silly me.

The shop where the young Myanmar worker came to rescue the injured pup. It's located in Bandar Puteri Puchong. Please consider buying your aquatic stuffs from these fine folks.

Finally I mustered enough courage, walked to the aquarium shop and asked the lady boss if she can spared her worker to help me rescue a pup outside. To my surprise she told me that her worker had already pulled the pup out of the drain yesterday. Nevertheless, she asked her worker to help me and both of us climbed back into the drain. As he scooted the pup towards me, the pup froze then snarled ferociously at him (man this is one angry pup), so the Myanmar youth have no choice but to use his slipper to press it down then caught the pup's ear and lifted him up to safety in one swift move. Bravo!! This is the kinda determination I should have earlier. I tried to give money to this good youth for his effort but he just smiled and refused.

I felt glad that I stuck around long enough to see it through. I've learned I should never hesitate in asking for help or trying to do good. The Myanmar youth taught me one thing: good intention must be backed up with swift action.

The pup after the rescue near the drain. I hope he doesn't fall back into it again.

Easy on the speech fellas

2006-09-04T01:35:00.000+08:00

Spent some time this weekend reading quite a few interesting blogs, and I noticed something "disturbing". I know blogging is a great outlet for youngsters to express themselves and share their thoughts with people all over the world but I didn't realised that there were so much angst, frustration and sadness out there. Aren't there any better ways for us to deal with our anger and depression?

I used to mouth-off a lot too in the past. But know what, it didn't help one bit addressing my feelings or problems then. The little satisfaction you felt when shooting off profanities aren't satisfaction at all, you are just clogging up your mind with dirt, like a jammed filthy drain. Do you know how the leper felt after he stratched his skin so hard till it's bloodied? He felt satisfied, but in reality he's not any better, because his bloodied skin can cause more health complications (like infection, gangrene - amputation or worse, septic shock - death) - wow, I sound like House (which happens to be my fav TV show). Well at least he certainly won't look pretty. Try seeing people seething with anger mouthing off, you wanna be around them?

I know sometimes you act in certain ways when you are with certain friends. This is one of those time when advice like "When in Rome, do like the Romans do." won't work. I was like that. When I was young, I thought it's cool with mix with rude & wild friends, and as I grew older, I couldn't care less (my mind was already clogged - big cleaning required) how people see me, or how my words affect others. Well I realised now what a jerk (another word almost fill this place) I've been, firing offensive words everytime I get irritated, frustrated and angry. If you disagree with me, try this experiment: Got a MP3 Player with voice recording (if you don't, you are more outdated than me)? Put it on record mode when you feel like mouthing off or when you are with the wild bunch. Then when you are calm and alone, play it back and hear yourself. Now ask yourself: do you REALLY like yourself sounding like that?

I don't profess to be any expert but I think there are many ways to express oneself positively even when faced with a lousy mood. Or do nothing. Just wait it out. It'll pass, some faster, some slower; but for sure it'll pass - nothing is permanent. Me, I just exercise, work the bags or spar with the guys in the gym. Of late, I find being mindful, chanting and meditating useful (this is a slow learning process for me considering I've made myself into a caveman in the past). My last words (actually won't be the last ;) to you is: be nice and gentle to yourself, guard your ever fluctuating mood or one day you'll wake up seeing an apeman on the mirror.

PS. Apemen are NOT gorillas. Gorrilas are gentle animals. ;)

Reflection of The Chief Reverend

2006-09-03T03:16:00.000+08:00

Who do you see when you look at the mirror? Is that really you?

Who do you see when you look at Ven Dhammananda? The Buddha and His teachings.

Now who do you see when you look at the mirror again? The result of those teachings.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Ooi. Thanks Jeff.

Pics of Ven Dhammananda funeral

2006-09-02T18:23:00.000+08:00

Despite a late appointment and a procrastinating mind, I dragged my lazy legs (no disrespect intended, just goes to show how the deluded mind can play games with the noble heart) to Ven Dr K Sri Dhammananda funeral last night.

I arrived around 9.30pm and to my surprise, people are still flocking in to pay their last respect to The Chief Reverend. There are no parking available yet people parked their cars far away and walk to the Buddhist Maha Vihara temple. Fortunately we have RELA members standing by to direct traffic and manage the crowd.

I reached the front gate and I saw dozens of volunteers from Tzu Chi Merits Society welcoming me with their hands clasped together saying "Amithabha". I felt slightly awkward since this is a Theravada temple but nevertheless I remembered The Chief's words of goodwill and compassion above religions and labels. And this is one occassion where every single labels/differences will be put aside to honour a man whose teachings help us live peacefully and happily; and in the process, make this world a better place for everyone.

Long line of visitors waiting to pay their last respect to Ven Dhammananda.

Most stay to reflect, radiate Metta, chant and meditate.

When it's my turn to pay homage, I knelt down, bow three times then walked to the late Ven Dhammananda casket. I just closed my eyes and said "Thank you. Thank you very much for teaching me how to live my life. Thank you for everything." I walked away after that and at the point, I couldn't help it but tears just flowed down my eyes. I walked outside to the tents to compose myself. I felt kinda embarrased because nobody around me was crying. The Buddha have taught that it's useless to cry and wallow over the dead. Death is a natural thing for all conditioned beings in Samsara. Having calmed down, I walked back into the Main Hall and then sat down behind the other visitors to hear the chanting and reflect. Streams of visitors are still pouring in even though it's after 10pm. I closed my eyes, chant then took refuge in the Triple Gem.

After awhile, I took some pics with my handphone and line-up to pay my homage to the late Ven Dhammananda again. This time I managed to go near the casket and take a final look at the late Ven Dhammananda. He look so serene, calm and peaceful. My heart is finally at ease, having seen the man whose teachings changed the way I lived my life and interact with those around me. It's a real pity I never get to meet him personally when he was alive. Oh well, be contented (another Chief's famous words) - at least I'm well and happy now, more than I could ever be if I had not learn and practice Buddhism.

May you attain Arahanthood

2006-08-31T22:26:00.001+08:00

While having drink with a friend this afternoon, I received a sms informing me that Chief Abbot of Buddhist Maha Vihara in Malaysia, Ven Dr K Sri Dhammananda has passed away at 12.45pm today, on the National Day of Malaysia, 31st August 2006.

"Paradise is open not only to followers of a particular religion. It is open to each and everyone who leads a righteous and noble way of life."
Ven Dr K Sri Dhammananda
18-March-1919 to 31-August-2006

Although I've read about him being admitted to the hospital for stroke at the grand age of 87, I was still hoping he'll recover and continue his good work guiding and helping all of us who are lost and wallowing in samsara. He has taught me and countless others how to cultivate noble values and how to live our lives meaningfully. I felt I've have lost a truly wise and compassionate teacher.

I recalled how his teachings helped me cope with grief when I lost Hua Li unexpectedly almost 2 years ago, how I changed as I began to understand the meaning of my existence, and how much peace and happiness I've gained from his teachings.

Perhaps it's just a concidence that he passed away on our National Day, but deep down inside I hope he has been finally liberated and attained Arahanthood - no more suffering, no more dukkha.

Hope everyone spare a thought and prayer for this extraordinary man.

Feel free to download and read his publications HERE.

Gillian Chung - fought off lust & curiosity

2006-08-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

Funny thing happened today. In the midst of many newspapers publishing the sensational news of pop singer Gillian Chung's (one half of the pop group TWINS) semi-nude pictures taken secretly, I received an email from an old friend with the pics attached.

Like any curious and hot-blooded (trying to lower the temp :) male, my first instinct is to open the attachments and view the pics. Then I thought deeper and decided I'll just thrashed it. I ain't gonna feed that lusty and restless mind of mine. Furthermore, it's a blatant violation of someone's privacy.

Ironically, I got busybody later and asked Kelly if she heard about this hot news. She immediately asked me to forward those pics to her, to which I replied they have been deleted.

Later that nite I saw Gillian Chung crying on TV news with her fellow artises behind her denouncing such flagrant intrusion of privacy and violation of common decency. I then realised what if those were semi-nude pics of my mother, sister or wife being circulated. How would one feel then? Guys, please think twice before forwarding any obscene pics, or treat this as a laughing matter.

Lesson 1 - be mindful, it'll help me do wholesome deeds.
Lesson 2 - be mindful, if not that restless and busybody mind will start talking/doing unwholesome deeds again.
Lesson 3 - keep practicing lesson 1 and 2.

Sometimes in April

2006-08-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

Humans are supposed to be beings with a highly malleable mind. With all the right conditions and efforts, we should be able to reach enlightenment. Yet history have shown we are capable of extreme malice. Read and you'll see the kind of horrifying pain and suffering inflicted by us in conflicts, both on a personal or mass level. You'll see genocides, massacres, wars, tortures, slavery and violent crimes being committed since the dawn of mankind.

Watching HBO's feature film, Sometimes in April reminded me of one thing: the human mind, once badly defiled, are capable of terrible deeds. See how envy and anger fan hatred till people can simply kill others wantonly. See how greed and lust for power can cause deep seated resentment between fellow countrymen. Read this horrifying account: Massacre at Nyarubuye Church

Above: see how defiled men can become - smiling before brutally killing others.

All the defilements in our mind: ignorance, greed, anger, hatred will rain pain and destruction if not curb and contain. If you cannot relate, try watching the movie above and imagine that it's your own mother, father, bro, sis, children who are being pursued and hacked to death. I tried that and found myself pleading with the bloodthirsty attackers to spare my loved ones, then helplessly watched them being killed right in front of me. So do you still want to complain about your lousy day? Aren't you glad you were not born in some poverty striken countries torn apart by wars and conflicts, and living in subhuman conditions?

It's really so important to cultivate loving kindness and compassion, to overcome and cleanse our mind from anger and hatred. So that ultimately, if not for the pursuit of freedom from suffering, at least we can still recognise ourselves as human beings.

Thank You & Goodbye Hee Boon

2006-08-13T23:29:00.000+08:00

Saw an orbituary in The Star last week showing a handsome chap with a blog, FHB adventure. Wanted to read it out of curiosity but forgot. Later The Star came out with an article about the deceased, Foo Hee Boon's very inspirational blog on his experience with multiple cancers.

Went to his blog and what I read really touched my heart. An active and lively person who's committed to conserving the environment and care deeply for his family, Hee Boon's an exceptional person, someone whom I'll probably look up to...

Here are some interesting chapters from his amazing and inspirational blog:
Making meaning
Healing & acceptance
To die suddenly
Carpe Diem!!!
Way it should not be
More will come...

Although I do not know Hee Boon in person, I'm amazed at his wisdom, energy, patience, resolve, lovingkindness and equanimity. We share so many things in common, esp. in outlook andd spirituality. There was a page where he commented on how "unneccesary" is the Buddhist practice of animals liberation because it would encourage people to catch more animals (esp birds) to cater for this "liberation market". That was my sentiment exactly some time ago. It's a wonder how some complete stranger can provide such deep inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing Hee Boon and may you be blessed with a good rebirth to continue practicing the Dhamma till full liberation...

Supporting friends

2006-08-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday afternoon, I rushed to Bidor to delivered some goods, then rushed back to KL to have a wonderful birthday dinner, and by then I was too tired to drive anymore. But on Friday night, my close friend Danny's father passed away in Seremban. Since Danny told me please don't come down, I took that as an "excuse" for me to rest after my dinner.

Then something strange came over me. Although my mind was set to go home and rest, I drove south in the direction towards Seremban. The moment I realised I should steer home, my mind told me to "make it count". As long as I had the strength and will, make it count. This is the kinda wholesome thought I'm working to encourage, and it's pushing me in the right direction now. Of course, the unwholesome thought also arises: risky to drive so long, so late, it's not appropriate for me to attend funeral on my birthday. I'm thankful that learning Buddhism has taught me to discard superstitions and value compassion. I'm grateful to be able to drive down to pay my last respect to Danny's dad and just be there for him.

Whenever I felt lazy or uncaring when others are in need, I recalled Hua Li encouraging me to visit my friend who was assaulted during a robbery attempt. I was so lazy then but she nagged me till I went, and she don't even know him well. I remembered Danny being there for me when my late wife was in ICU despite being out of touch for the last few years. I thank them for inspiring me to care and support my friends better. Every single moment spent supporting others is worthwhile, for we will never know if that's the last thing we are able to do.

Suffering can be good

2006-04-01T11:44:00.000+08:00

What a "weird" way of looking at things. Am I a nutcase? Most of our lives are like a roller coaster ride with it's ups and downs. We struggle day in and day out to earn a living so that we can have what we want (whatever that may be) and to fulfill our desires. But is that all there is to life: living just to fulfill our desires till we die? Ever wonder why you are who you are? I dunno about you, but I've spent 38 years of my life without contemplating this issue at all. The closest I got was pondering over the existence of God. Why? Coz I was too busy chasing after money, career and trying to fulfill my sensual desires constantly.

The Buddha taught The First Noble Truth of Dukkha. In short, dukkha means suffering. To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. So you can see that human lives are full of suffering. He also taught that human lives are very precious. Of all the planes of existence (Gods, Demigods, Humans, Animals, Ghosts, Hell), human lives are most important because it has the "right" amount of pain and pleasure to inspire us to free ourselves from the cycle of rebirth and suffering. It's in human form that we can train our mind to penetrate our delusion and ignorance to see the ultimate truth. So in this sense, suffering is good. For suffering will be the wake-up call to those of us who are blinded by our daily routines and being totally engrossed in chasing after after sensual pleasure. There is a parable which taught that life is like going down a live volcano in a ladder. Initially when we started climbing down, we would not feel anything. This represent the period when we are young and carefree and thought that we'll live forever. Then as we climb deeper and deeper into the hole, we would feel the heat burning us. Meaning as we encounter more difficulties, troubles and pain in our lives, these are signals for us to do something before we get burned. So what is that "something" that we should do? For me that something is to be a better person, to be kind and benevolent to all living beings. To reduce my selfishness, pride, jealousy, desire, greed, ignorance and anger.

The Buddha also taught that there are 4 kinds of people:
1. Those who change after seeing other people suffered or died
2. Those who change after seeing their friends/relatives suffered or died.
3. Those who change after seeing their loved ones suffered or died.
4. Those who change after going through great suffering (emotionally or physically) themselves.

I belonged to the third category. Pain can be a very good teacher. It taught me not to waste time, to set my priorities more for others and less for self-indulgence. Because when you lost someone dear or when you are about to die, more often than not you will be filled with feelings of guilts and regrets of words not said and deeds not done. That's how suffering can bring us back into focus, back into what really matters, to be a good person so that we live a meaningful, purposeful life.

Change is inevitable, growth is optional

2006-03-25T16:06:00.003+08:00

Life is very unpredictable indeed. It can surprise you in least expected ways. Last year has been a year of change for me, real change. Not the new year resolution I-do-it-coz-everyone-does-it type.

A lot of things that matters to me in the past (money, career, assets etc) didn't matter so much now. A lot of things that I neglected or taken for granted (doing good/charity, family time, showing care, relatives, friends, watching my words & actions etc) matters a lot now. Hua Li passing in Jan 2005 have spurred some very drastic change in me, changes that I never thought I would do in the past. Looking back, I think I would have been a much better person if not for my selfish desires. I like who I am now, even if it's at the expense of being outcast by a few "friends" because we no longer share the same "wavelength" or interests. I guess vice really is vice to me now; not fun, excitement, satisfaction or the various other tags I use to justify indulging in it.

Some of the major changes I underwent are:

1. Stopping profanity, harsh speech or cursing others.
2. Being more caring to others, esp the less fortunate.
3. Doing charity and giving to the needy.
4. Stopping alcohol or any intoxicating substance.
5. Stopping pornography and preventing lustful thoughts.
6. Trying my best to stop lying. If the truth is hurtful, I'll keep silent - this is the hardest thing to do.
7. Being more tolerant and patient.
8. To think first before I act or react.

The Lotus flower grew up beneath mud and sand to blossom above the water. Any drop of dirt on it will drip off into the water. A majestic sight indeed.

Amazing how a painful event in life can spur such a drastic change in a person. I recalled the day when my staff Kelly told another staff Kenneth that he should see the Charles she knew in 1999, he utter profanities often and definitely would not tolerate scolding from dealers without mouthing off and firing back. I remembered tolerating harsh words, curses and abuse from a certain loved one, at an intensity that I would never have tolerated say 5 years ago. Hearing and reflecting these comments from people who see me daily are truly refreshing and encouraging. To me, it meant I've really changed, for the better.

I like who I am now, and even though at certain times I felt the need to be the "old Charles" in order to belong, I've managed to resist it so far. And who must I thank? My greatest and most benevolent teacher, The Buddha. For opening my eyes to the value of my life and the lives of all those around me. For teaching me the 4 Noble Truth.

PS. Thank you Vince for the words I used as the title above.