Just wanna share this beautiful inspiring video of Nick Vujicic, a man born without arms & legs. His positive attitude serve as a great example of the celebration of life over limitations.
Nick is thankful for what he HAS.
He's not bitter for what he does NOT have.
I have never met a bitter person who was thankful.
I have never met a thankful person who was bitter.
In life you have a choice: Bitter or Better?
Contentment is the greatest wealth - The Buddha, Dhammapada Verse 204.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sharing the Dhamma with my dying mum
My mum time is very near. She is no longer conscious for the past 3 days, and her breathing is irregular with rattling sound, similar to symptoms I observed when my grandma passed away 2 years ago.
But something wonderful (under the circumstances) happened few days ago before my mum became totally unconscious. My aunt friend Elaine from their Pureland temple came to visit my mum. She wore a bright pink dress and to my surprise, my mum said aloud she looked very beautiful, and my mum even managed to muster a smile in her weak and frail condition. That was the first time I heard my mum talked so clearly in weeks. Elaine sat around for awhile asking my mum not to worry and think of The Buddha.
After Elaine left, I noticed my mum is still awake and I took this opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. My mum is a very gentle and good nature person but I'm afraid she has limited exposure to the Dhamma aside from chanting Amitabha. I wished I have strive harder to share the Dhamma with her when she was in better health. It was very negligent of me to only give priority to my work & take her time with us for granted. It's my sincere hope for those reading this to cherish time with your loved ones and please plan some time for spiritual development, because life can be cruel and unpredictable.
Thoughts were running through my mind how best to share the Dhamma with her. I started with telling her in Cantonese (her main language) my simple translation of the First Noble Truth: The Buddha taught that life is suffering, as long as we are in the wheel of existence, we suffer. Birth, old age, sickness and death is suffering. And that is the first time I talk about death to her. She looked at me and I continued saying we must find a way out of this wheel. Then I told her let's take refuge in the Triple Gem together, explaining the meaning of taking the refuge in Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha. I was glad she was awake the whole period till I finished chanting. Then I continue chanting Amitabha into her ear because she has affinity to this mantra. She then closed her eyes and slept peacefully.
The following day, as I came back from work at night, I cleaned her up and changed her dressings to cover the bed sores. As me & my Dad flipped her on the side to relieve pressure from sleeping on her back whole day, I noticed her eyes wide opened, and looking at me. Quickly! Said my inner voice, another window of opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. I said gently to my mum; "Mother, let me share with you what my Sifu (referring to the monks & books I've learned from) taught me. The Buddha said being human will sure have sufferings from birth, old age, sickness and dying. This is because we all have craving, therefore we exist in this cycle of rebirth. Death comes to everybody, me included." I then told her Kisagotami tale with the hope to reduce her fear of death. She looked at me intently and I continued; "Once The Buddha asked this woman if she wants to have 10 children in her village and she said yes that would make her very happy. The Buddha then said if the 10 children died, you would suffer 10 times." I sorta made up this because I cannot remember the exact story. She blinked her eyes in agreement. I then said the more we want, the more we suffer. That is why monks leave home to let go everything in order to practice and cultivate till enlightenment. She blinked her eyes and nodded her head slightly. This really comforted me because I sensed she understood at least some parts of my message. I reminded her that by offering robe to a monk in the past, she has actually assisted someone who is cultivating to reach enlightenment, and that is great merit. I've never seen my mum looked at me so intently the past few weeks therefore I think my message must have left a good impression on her.
I also told her The Buddha taught the "Law" of Kamma which states good people will reap good results and good people will go to good places, just like oil will always float when dropped on water, compare to rock which will sink to the bottom. So I told her not to worry because she has been a gentle, good nature, thoughtful & caring person, filial daughter & good mother her whole life. She has brought us up well & we are now filial and taking good care of her. She kept looking at me without blinking. I told her now is the time where she must let go everything and constantly think of The Buddha only. By focusing on The Buddha, we will not be disturbed by our fears or worries. Just keep chanting Amitabha with your mind. She nodded slightly in agreement. Then I asked her to take the Three Refuge in Pali with me followed by me chanting Amitabha to her 108 times, after which I left the room to let her rest.
I'm glad I managed to share what little I know about the Dhamma with her during those few critical moments when she is awake. By minimizing travelling and staying at home, I managed to catch these opportunities to plant the Dhamma seed in her. After the second chance to share the Dhamma with her, she has since became unconscious. Nevertheless, I continue to remind her of her good deeds and take the Three Refuge, chant Amitabha and few suttas near her as often as I can.
Yesterday, I told her I will buy cooking oil, rice, onions and potatoes for the monks in Maha Vihara on her behalf. One lady in the office of Maha Vihara told me they needed onions and potatoes. I whispered to my mum ear before I left and informed her when I returned that the deed is done. This is my final chance to do my best for my mum, so I need to treasure every moment.
But something wonderful (under the circumstances) happened few days ago before my mum became totally unconscious. My aunt friend Elaine from their Pureland temple came to visit my mum. She wore a bright pink dress and to my surprise, my mum said aloud she looked very beautiful, and my mum even managed to muster a smile in her weak and frail condition. That was the first time I heard my mum talked so clearly in weeks. Elaine sat around for awhile asking my mum not to worry and think of The Buddha.
After Elaine left, I noticed my mum is still awake and I took this opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. My mum is a very gentle and good nature person but I'm afraid she has limited exposure to the Dhamma aside from chanting Amitabha. I wished I have strive harder to share the Dhamma with her when she was in better health. It was very negligent of me to only give priority to my work & take her time with us for granted. It's my sincere hope for those reading this to cherish time with your loved ones and please plan some time for spiritual development, because life can be cruel and unpredictable.
Thoughts were running through my mind how best to share the Dhamma with her. I started with telling her in Cantonese (her main language) my simple translation of the First Noble Truth: The Buddha taught that life is suffering, as long as we are in the wheel of existence, we suffer. Birth, old age, sickness and death is suffering. And that is the first time I talk about death to her. She looked at me and I continued saying we must find a way out of this wheel. Then I told her let's take refuge in the Triple Gem together, explaining the meaning of taking the refuge in Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha. I was glad she was awake the whole period till I finished chanting. Then I continue chanting Amitabha into her ear because she has affinity to this mantra. She then closed her eyes and slept peacefully.
The following day, as I came back from work at night, I cleaned her up and changed her dressings to cover the bed sores. As me & my Dad flipped her on the side to relieve pressure from sleeping on her back whole day, I noticed her eyes wide opened, and looking at me. Quickly! Said my inner voice, another window of opportunity to share the Dhamma with her. I said gently to my mum; "Mother, let me share with you what my Sifu (referring to the monks & books I've learned from) taught me. The Buddha said being human will sure have sufferings from birth, old age, sickness and dying. This is because we all have craving, therefore we exist in this cycle of rebirth. Death comes to everybody, me included." I then told her Kisagotami tale with the hope to reduce her fear of death. She looked at me intently and I continued; "Once The Buddha asked this woman if she wants to have 10 children in her village and she said yes that would make her very happy. The Buddha then said if the 10 children died, you would suffer 10 times." I sorta made up this because I cannot remember the exact story. She blinked her eyes in agreement. I then said the more we want, the more we suffer. That is why monks leave home to let go everything in order to practice and cultivate till enlightenment. She blinked her eyes and nodded her head slightly. This really comforted me because I sensed she understood at least some parts of my message. I reminded her that by offering robe to a monk in the past, she has actually assisted someone who is cultivating to reach enlightenment, and that is great merit. I've never seen my mum looked at me so intently the past few weeks therefore I think my message must have left a good impression on her.
I also told her The Buddha taught the "Law" of Kamma which states good people will reap good results and good people will go to good places, just like oil will always float when dropped on water, compare to rock which will sink to the bottom. So I told her not to worry because she has been a gentle, good nature, thoughtful & caring person, filial daughter & good mother her whole life. She has brought us up well & we are now filial and taking good care of her. She kept looking at me without blinking. I told her now is the time where she must let go everything and constantly think of The Buddha only. By focusing on The Buddha, we will not be disturbed by our fears or worries. Just keep chanting Amitabha with your mind. She nodded slightly in agreement. Then I asked her to take the Three Refuge in Pali with me followed by me chanting Amitabha to her 108 times, after which I left the room to let her rest.
I'm glad I managed to share what little I know about the Dhamma with her during those few critical moments when she is awake. By minimizing travelling and staying at home, I managed to catch these opportunities to plant the Dhamma seed in her. After the second chance to share the Dhamma with her, she has since became unconscious. Nevertheless, I continue to remind her of her good deeds and take the Three Refuge, chant Amitabha and few suttas near her as often as I can.
Yesterday, I told her I will buy cooking oil, rice, onions and potatoes for the monks in Maha Vihara on her behalf. One lady in the office of Maha Vihara told me they needed onions and potatoes. I whispered to my mum ear before I left and informed her when I returned that the deed is done. This is my final chance to do my best for my mum, so I need to treasure every moment.
Coincidence or A Sign?
Yesterday was my mother's birthday and also the birthdays of 2 significant ladies in my life: Quenna Leong & Thitiporn Li Li, therefore it was the birthdays of 3 very special persons in my life.
My mum needs no introduction; she is my prime motivator and pillar of strength all these years. I admire her gentle nature, thoughtfulness, filial piety & the way she takes care of everyone in the family. I'm going through a very tough time now because she is dying.
Quenna Leong is a close and old friend of over 20 years. She is the one who introduced and inspired me to Buddhism when my late wife passed away in 2005. She was instrumental in inspiring me to be a better person and to walk the Middle Way. I admire her calm personality & unwavering devotion to the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha which she so skillfully used to guide me when I was lost & confused.
Thitiporn Li Li is a close friend who despite our distance (she lives in Bangkok & Singapore), is always there to listen to my sorrows and cheer me up with her caring nature. Having faced many trials and tribulations herself, she is a courageous lady who always think of others first. Her firm determination & loving charm are poetry in motion.
3 persons very close to me sharing the same birthdays? Coincidence, possibly... A Sign, likely. Whatever it may be, I treat it as a message for me to cherish & remember people who have inspired me to goodness, and in turn, assist or help others whenever I can, while I still can. What more since "fate" has arranged a single date for me to remember 3 very remarkable individuals.
Wesak Day is only a day away. What a sequence, I'm grateful for the timing, and thankful for making it easy to remember. May all beings be free from suffering. May everyone be well & happy. Metta. /\
PS. Thanks to Facebook for helping me made this meaningful discovery. :)
My mum needs no introduction; she is my prime motivator and pillar of strength all these years. I admire her gentle nature, thoughtfulness, filial piety & the way she takes care of everyone in the family. I'm going through a very tough time now because she is dying.
Quenna Leong is a close and old friend of over 20 years. She is the one who introduced and inspired me to Buddhism when my late wife passed away in 2005. She was instrumental in inspiring me to be a better person and to walk the Middle Way. I admire her calm personality & unwavering devotion to the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha which she so skillfully used to guide me when I was lost & confused.
Thitiporn Li Li is a close friend who despite our distance (she lives in Bangkok & Singapore), is always there to listen to my sorrows and cheer me up with her caring nature. Having faced many trials and tribulations herself, she is a courageous lady who always think of others first. Her firm determination & loving charm are poetry in motion.
3 persons very close to me sharing the same birthdays? Coincidence, possibly... A Sign, likely. Whatever it may be, I treat it as a message for me to cherish & remember people who have inspired me to goodness, and in turn, assist or help others whenever I can, while I still can. What more since "fate" has arranged a single date for me to remember 3 very remarkable individuals.
Wesak Day is only a day away. What a sequence, I'm grateful for the timing, and thankful for making it easy to remember. May all beings be free from suffering. May everyone be well & happy. Metta. /\
PS. Thanks to Facebook for helping me made this meaningful discovery. :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mother's Day Dedication - ode to all mums
If there is a meaning to unconditional love
You would be it
Protective & nurturing when we were young
Ever under your wings
You shielded us from the thorns of the world
If there is a meaning to a good provider
You would be it
Ensuring all our needs are met
Comforting & caring for us with zeal
You are our umbrella when it rains
If there is a meaning to a good teacher
You would be it
Leading & guiding us by examples
Instilling wisdom in our growing years
You are our beacon in this confusing world
If there is a meaning to joy & laughter
You would be it
Whether outings or dining
Your company is simply delightful
You warm our hearts in this cold world
If there is a meaning to strong bond
You would be it
As our closest confidante and counselor
You listen to our troubles & woes
And soothe us from the pains of the world
If there is a shinning example of a wise elder
You would be it
Allowing us to mature & choose our paths
Inspiring us with your kindness & thoughtfulness
You are our ray of sunshine in this dark world
We will never be lost because of you.
Dedicated to my mum, Chan Yoke Lan and all the mothers in this world who brought us up & care for us selflessly. Thank you mum for everything.
Happy Mother's Day! :)
PS. You might be interested to read this ENTRY too.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Dealing with our loved ones suffering
I've calmed down a bit this week. My mum's condition hasn't changed but at least I get to spend time talking to her whenever she is awake or conscious.
Watching this video on Ajahn Brahm talking about how to deal the suffering of loved ones helped me a lot. In short, he talked about reducing our emotional suffering by not attaching "ownership" to one's spouse, children, parents etc. Ajahn Brahm also taught that our loved ones in critical condition will not want us to suffer seeing them in such condition, and we should be strong for them. Furthermore, crying or lamenting cannot help anyone, so we need to compose ourselves and have a cup of tea (or anything you prefer).
One beautiful thing he taught is that our loved ones suffering offer us the opportunity to take care of them, serve them and generally do good. This is really an encouraging way of facing the situation I'm in now.
To Ajahn Brahm, you have my deep gratitude and respect for your kindness & enlightening teachings.
With Metta,
Charles.
Watching this video on Ajahn Brahm talking about how to deal the suffering of loved ones helped me a lot. In short, he talked about reducing our emotional suffering by not attaching "ownership" to one's spouse, children, parents etc. Ajahn Brahm also taught that our loved ones in critical condition will not want us to suffer seeing them in such condition, and we should be strong for them. Furthermore, crying or lamenting cannot help anyone, so we need to compose ourselves and have a cup of tea (or anything you prefer).
One beautiful thing he taught is that our loved ones suffering offer us the opportunity to take care of them, serve them and generally do good. This is really an encouraging way of facing the situation I'm in now.
To Ajahn Brahm, you have my deep gratitude and respect for your kindness & enlightening teachings.
With Metta,
Charles.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Keeping vigil for my mum
This month is probably my most painful and saddest month. My beloved mum condition deteriorated to a point where she is no longer able to move or eat on her own. I was unable to accept nor believe the possibility that she will leave us soon, because we can spot few signs of dying. This is one of the most painful moment in my life.
I realized tonight that I only read and contemplate the Dhamma at extremely solemn moment like this. It is my hope for those reading this please do not be like me, and end up with excruciating mental anguish of being unable to cope and accept a loved one leaving us. Practice the Dhamma and reflect on Anicca (impermanence), Dukkha (suffering) and Anatta (no self) constantly.
I'm reading Kisagotami tale now to keep calm and reflect on the Buddha's teachings, while keeping vigil over my mum every moment I get. May this post be of use to anyone who is grieving or in a similar situation like me.
I end with this reply on my Facebook by my old friend Rajendra Inani regarding taking care of my mum:
"Hey Charles, its a great duty taking care of parents when they are old. One may buy such services with money, but doing it on your own as your duty and gratitude towards parents is something considered as worshiping God."
With Metta,
Charles. /\
I realized tonight that I only read and contemplate the Dhamma at extremely solemn moment like this. It is my hope for those reading this please do not be like me, and end up with excruciating mental anguish of being unable to cope and accept a loved one leaving us. Practice the Dhamma and reflect on Anicca (impermanence), Dukkha (suffering) and Anatta (no self) constantly.
I'm reading Kisagotami tale now to keep calm and reflect on the Buddha's teachings, while keeping vigil over my mum every moment I get. May this post be of use to anyone who is grieving or in a similar situation like me.
I end with this reply on my Facebook by my old friend Rajendra Inani regarding taking care of my mum:
"Hey Charles, its a great duty taking care of parents when they are old. One may buy such services with money, but doing it on your own as your duty and gratitude towards parents is something considered as worshiping God."
With Metta,
Charles. /\
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Lesson of Sacrifice from a 9 year old Japanese boy
Just an interesting story I hope will inspire you to greater good.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This letter, written by Vietnamese immigrant Ha Minh Thanh who works in Fukushima as a policeman to a friend in Vietnam, was posted on New America Media (NAM) on March 19. It is a testimonial to the strength of the Japanese spirit, and an interesting slice of life near the epicentre of Japan’s crisis at the Fukushima nuclear power plant. It was translated by NAM editor Andrew Lam, author of “East Eats West: Writing in Two Hemispheres.” Shanghai Daily condensed it.
Brother,
How are you and your family? These last few days, everything was in chaos. When I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. When I open my eyes, I also see dead bodies.
Each one of us must work 20 hours a day, yet I wish there were 48 hours in the day, so that we could continue helping and rescuing folks. We are without water and electricity, and food rations are near zero. We barely manage to move refugees before there are new orders to move them elsewhere.
I am currently in Fukushima, about 25 kilometres away from the nuclear power plant. I have so much to tell you that if I could write it all down, it would surely turn into a novel about human relationships and behaviours during times of crisis.
People here remain calm – their sense of dignity and proper behaviour are very good – so things aren’t as bad as they could be. But given another week, I can’t guarantee that things won’t get to a point where we can no longer provide proper protection and order.
They are humans after all, and when hunger and thirst override dignity, well, they will do whatever they have to do. The government is trying to provide supplies by air, bringing in food and medicine, but it’s like dropping a little salt into the ocean.
Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to behave like a human being.
Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity organisation distribute food to the refugees. It was a long line that snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy around 9 years old. He was wearing a tee-shirt and a pair of shorts.
It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the line. I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn’t be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony when he saw the tsunami sweep his father’s car away.
I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the beach and that his mother and little sister probably didn’t make it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his relatives.
The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him. That’s when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it up and gave it to him.
“When it comes to your turn, they might run out of food. So here’s my portion. I already ate. Why don’t you eat it?”
The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away, but he didn’t. He took the bag of food, went up to where the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be distributed.
I was shocked. I asked him why he didn’t eat it and instead added it to the food pile. He said, “Because I see a lot more people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will distribute the food equally.”
When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn’t see me cry.
A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good must be a great society, a great people.
Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours of my shift have begun again.
Ha Minh Thanh
EDITOR’S NOTE: This letter, written by Vietnamese immigrant Ha Minh Thanh who works in Fukushima as a policeman to a friend in Vietnam, was posted on New America Media (NAM) on March 19. It is a testimonial to the strength of the Japanese spirit, and an interesting slice of life near the epicentre of Japan’s crisis at the Fukushima nuclear power plant. It was translated by NAM editor Andrew Lam, author of “East Eats West: Writing in Two Hemispheres.” Shanghai Daily condensed it.
Brother,
How are you and your family? These last few days, everything was in chaos. When I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. When I open my eyes, I also see dead bodies.
Each one of us must work 20 hours a day, yet I wish there were 48 hours in the day, so that we could continue helping and rescuing folks. We are without water and electricity, and food rations are near zero. We barely manage to move refugees before there are new orders to move them elsewhere.
I am currently in Fukushima, about 25 kilometres away from the nuclear power plant. I have so much to tell you that if I could write it all down, it would surely turn into a novel about human relationships and behaviours during times of crisis.
People here remain calm – their sense of dignity and proper behaviour are very good – so things aren’t as bad as they could be. But given another week, I can’t guarantee that things won’t get to a point where we can no longer provide proper protection and order.
They are humans after all, and when hunger and thirst override dignity, well, they will do whatever they have to do. The government is trying to provide supplies by air, bringing in food and medicine, but it’s like dropping a little salt into the ocean.
Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to behave like a human being.
Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity organisation distribute food to the refugees. It was a long line that snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy around 9 years old. He was wearing a tee-shirt and a pair of shorts.
It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the line. I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn’t be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony when he saw the tsunami sweep his father’s car away.
I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the beach and that his mother and little sister probably didn’t make it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his relatives.
The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him. That’s when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it up and gave it to him.
“When it comes to your turn, they might run out of food. So here’s my portion. I already ate. Why don’t you eat it?”
The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away, but he didn’t. He took the bag of food, went up to where the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be distributed.
I was shocked. I asked him why he didn’t eat it and instead added it to the food pile. He said, “Because I see a lot more people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will distribute the food equally.”
When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn’t see me cry.
A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good must be a great society, a great people.
Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours of my shift have begun again.
Ha Minh Thanh
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Happy New Rabbit Year 2011 - Gratitude
Been superbusy so didn't have time to blog as much as I wanted to. I wanted to share a great story about family bonds but guess this video from Petronas will have to do for now.
I hope this video will touch you as much as it has reminded me not to take my parents for granted. For those interested, The Buddha's teachings on Gratitude & Integrity is found in the Kataññu Suttas.
Thank you Petronas for making this video and may it inspire you to spend more time with your folks and give them all the love they deserve. Our parents took care of us & love us unconditionally, likewise we should reciprocate the same.
I hope this video will touch you as much as it has reminded me not to take my parents for granted. For those interested, The Buddha's teachings on Gratitude & Integrity is found in the Kataññu Suttas.
Thank you Petronas for making this video and may it inspire you to spend more time with your folks and give them all the love they deserve. Our parents took care of us & love us unconditionally, likewise we should reciprocate the same.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Appreciate our parents
A young person with excellent academic qualification went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.
He passed the first interview easily, and now will have to meet the Director for the last interview, who makes the final decision to hire.
The Director discovered from his CV, that this youth's has excellent academic result all the way from the secondary school until the postgraduate research. There was never a year he did not score.
The Director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none".
The surprised Director asked, "Is it your father who pays for your school fees?". The youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.
The Director asked, "Where did your mother worked?". The youth answered, my mother worked as clothes cleaner. The Director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that is smooth and perfect to the Director.
The Director probed further, "Did you ever help your mother washed the clothes before?". The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me."
The Director said, "I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hands, and then come see me tomorrow morning."
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job is high. When he reached home, he happily went to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange, she reluctantly showed her hands to the youth.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly, his eyes wet with tears as he did that. It's first time he saw his mother's hands which are so wrinkled & full of bruises. Some bruises were so severe that his mother trembles in pain whenever water touched them.
For the first time the youth realized and experienced that this is the pair of hands that washed the cloth everyday to pay for his school fees. The wrinkles & painful bruises in his mother's hands is the price that his mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and ensure him a bright future.
After he finished cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, they talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the Director's office.
The Director noticed the puffiness in the youth's eyes, and asked him: "Can you tell you what have you done & learned in your house yesterday?"
The youth answered, "I cleaned my mother's hands, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes."
The Director asked, "Please tell me your feelings."
The youth said,
"Number 1, I learned what is appreciation, because without my mother, I will never be successful today."
"Number 2, I learned how to helped my mother. I realized how hard we need to work to achieve something."
"Number 3, I learned the importance and value of family relationship."
The Director said, "This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of another, a person who appreciate the efforts of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my Manager. You are hired."
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and earned the respect of his subordinates. Every employees worked diligently as a team and the company's results improved tremendously.
A child who has been overly protected and habitually given whatever he wants will developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorance of his parent's effort & sacrifice. When he starts to work, he will assume everyone must listen to him. When he becomes a Manager, he would never know how the hard work his employees go through and always blame others. This kind of people may be successful for awhile, but eventually would not feel satisfied. They will grumble, become demanding and fight for more. As parents, did we love the kid or destroy the kid when we are overly protective and fail to teach them the values of appreciation and sacrifice.
You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, take expensive piano lessons or watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experienced it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you don't have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich we are, one day our will become gray, like the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learn how to appreciate the effort and sacrifice of others.
This entry is dedicated to my parents, aunt & sister. I loved you all. Thank you very much for all your love, care & sacrifice all these years. May you be blessed with good health & happiness always.
He passed the first interview easily, and now will have to meet the Director for the last interview, who makes the final decision to hire.
The Director discovered from his CV, that this youth's has excellent academic result all the way from the secondary school until the postgraduate research. There was never a year he did not score.
The Director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none".
The surprised Director asked, "Is it your father who pays for your school fees?". The youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.
The Director asked, "Where did your mother worked?". The youth answered, my mother worked as clothes cleaner. The Director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that is smooth and perfect to the Director.
The Director probed further, "Did you ever help your mother washed the clothes before?". The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me."
The Director said, "I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hands, and then come see me tomorrow morning."
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job is high. When he reached home, he happily went to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange, she reluctantly showed her hands to the youth.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly, his eyes wet with tears as he did that. It's first time he saw his mother's hands which are so wrinkled & full of bruises. Some bruises were so severe that his mother trembles in pain whenever water touched them.
For the first time the youth realized and experienced that this is the pair of hands that washed the cloth everyday to pay for his school fees. The wrinkles & painful bruises in his mother's hands is the price that his mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and ensure him a bright future.
After he finished cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, they talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the Director's office.
The Director noticed the puffiness in the youth's eyes, and asked him: "Can you tell you what have you done & learned in your house yesterday?"
The youth answered, "I cleaned my mother's hands, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes."
The Director asked, "Please tell me your feelings."
The youth said,
"Number 1, I learned what is appreciation, because without my mother, I will never be successful today."
"Number 2, I learned how to helped my mother. I realized how hard we need to work to achieve something."
"Number 3, I learned the importance and value of family relationship."
The Director said, "This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of another, a person who appreciate the efforts of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my Manager. You are hired."
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and earned the respect of his subordinates. Every employees worked diligently as a team and the company's results improved tremendously.
A child who has been overly protected and habitually given whatever he wants will developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorance of his parent's effort & sacrifice. When he starts to work, he will assume everyone must listen to him. When he becomes a Manager, he would never know how the hard work his employees go through and always blame others. This kind of people may be successful for awhile, but eventually would not feel satisfied. They will grumble, become demanding and fight for more. As parents, did we love the kid or destroy the kid when we are overly protective and fail to teach them the values of appreciation and sacrifice.
You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, take expensive piano lessons or watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experienced it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you don't have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich we are, one day our will become gray, like the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learn how to appreciate the effort and sacrifice of others.
This entry is dedicated to my parents, aunt & sister. I loved you all. Thank you very much for all your love, care & sacrifice all these years. May you be blessed with good health & happiness always.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Save A Marriage
NOTE: This story is not about me.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all her dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son, I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
This story was written by Itoro 'Ausafrik' Okon. This story is not about me.
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all her dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son, I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
This story was written by Itoro 'Ausafrik' Okon. This story is not about me.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Meaning of Bathing The Buddha during Vesak Day
Today is Vesak Day and I visited my aunt temple in Cheras with my daughter & father. My sis was not feeling well so my mum stayed home to accompany her. We paid homage to Lord Buddha and once again, I encouraged my 6 years old daughter to kneel down and bath the statue of The Buddha. My Dad kept asking me to take photos of my daughter bathing statue of The Buddha but I didn't because I felt this is not a playful event.
Pic of my daughter Angelina taken in 2008 during Vesak Day
Then it occurred to me, after almost 5 years of being a Buddhist, I never really understand the meaning of bathing The Buddha ritual during Vesak Day. So I goggled it and below is one of the best explanation that I can relate to.
2. Bathing The Statue Of The Buddha Symbolizes Our Aspiration, Determination and Effort To Purify Our Body, Speech And Mind
3. Purification of The Body
No Killing
No Stealing
No Sexual Misconduct
4. Purification of The Speech * No Lying * No Slander * No Harsh Speech * No Gossip
5. Purification of The Mind * No Covetousness * No Hatred * No Delusion
6. BATHING OF THE BUDDHA - Let us aspire to cleanse our mind of GREED, HATRED and DELUSION
For more explanation, please click HERE.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Used vs Loved
While a man is polishing his new car,
his 4 years old son picked up a stone,
and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.
When the child saw the father.....
with painful eyes he asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it many times.
Devastated by his own actions.....
he sat in front of that car and look at the scratches;
his son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'
The next day that man committed suicide.
Anger and Love have no limits
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life
and remember this:
Things are to be used and People are to be loved
The problem in today's world is that
people are used while things are loved
Let's try to keep this in mind
Things are to be used
People are to be loved
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
I saw the story above while waiting in a kindergarden. Made me realised how important it is for us to be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions constantly.
his 4 years old son picked up a stone,
and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.
At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.
When the child saw the father.....
with painful eyes he asked, "Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it many times.
Devastated by his own actions.....
he sat in front of that car and look at the scratches;
his son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'
The next day that man committed suicide.
Anger and Love have no limits
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life
and remember this:
Things are to be used and People are to be loved
The problem in today's world is that
people are used while things are loved
Let's try to keep this in mind
Things are to be used
People are to be loved
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
I saw the story above while waiting in a kindergarden. Made me realised how important it is for us to be mindful of our thoughts, words and actions constantly.
May we be blessed with wisdom to do what is wholesome, and patience to restrain what is unwholesome.
Read The Buddha's teachings on anger here.
Read The Buddha's teachings on anger here.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Perfect Couple
Received this interesting picture below from my friend Susan. I posted it up here seeing that a happy marriage leads to harmony and joy for the couple, their family, friends and beyond.
Imagine if there are no arguments, fights, breakups or divorces anymore. The world will be so much more a better place. Wishing everyone peace and love always.
Please click on the image to enlarge it.
Imagine if there are no arguments, fights, breakups or divorces anymore. The world will be so much more a better place. Wishing everyone peace and love always.
Please click on the image to enlarge it.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Touching Diwali message
Found this today while surfing around. The touching message says it all. Pass it around to everyone.
Happy Diwali Folks.
May the light of joy & happiness shine on you always.
PS. Thousands of candles can be lit by a single candle. Go on, light up somebody's world today. :)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Supporting a grieving friend
My friend Louise lost her boyfriend Jeffrey Lee in a horrible motorbike accident last week. She had only known him not too long and their relationship only started last year. Louise had been through few really tough times and I was very happy for her to have found someone like Jeff. Though I've met Jeff only a couple of times, he came across as very nice and warm person. It was validated when Louise told me on my first visit to the funeral wake that Jeff have no temper. This is truly admirable because such person are rare. As a Buddhist, I've learned that people who perfectly restrain their anger are like harmless sages of solid gold, we call them The Efficient Charioteer - see verse 222.
As I sat beside her, tears streamed down her eyes and I could sensed her grief & agony deep inside me. To be separated from your loved ones is dukkha indeed. Louise told me that Jeff met an accident while biking with his gang of friends along the Karak highway. By the time his entourage made a u-turn and discovered his body, his pouch with wallet and valuables inside had been stolen. Such is the depravity and cruelty certain people are capable of when greed overrides everything. Louise then said she'll stay overnight for the wake till the service tomorrow, ie. to be there almost 24 hours. Worried for her mental well-being, I asked her why and she said she wanted to be by Jeff side as long as she can. I wanted to share that she can be "with" Jeff by cherishing the thought of him and his good deeds instead of compromising her sleep knowing that she'll need more strength for the service and cremation tomorrow. But I decided to keep quiet and drop by to keep her company in the early hours of the morning when nobody is around.
But earlier in the night, the guys in my gym sparred really hard with me so I came home with my whole body feeling sore and aching, even had a laceration below my left eye. I quickly showered and as I prep myself to visit Louise, typical reluctance came over me: my body is in pain, I barely know Jeff, it's too late, I need to work tomorrow, & lastly, it's my birthday tomorrow. But Buddhism taught me that only the present moment matters, so it's up to me to make a difference, to do what I can while I still can. With this resolve and clarity from a previous experience, I drove my car to the mamak at 2am in the morning and bought 4 packs of hot drinks for Louise. I had no idea what drink she like and I wouldn't wanna call her because I'm sure she'll stop me from coming if I did. I arrived to find her sitting alone in the hall while some of Jeff friends sat outside. She was surprised to see me but seemed glad. She took the pack of hot Milo and chatted with me. I kept quiet most of the time because I felt she needed space to grief and share. Hope I did the right thing compare to some of her more vocal friends.
To following day I attended Jeff's cremation which was a solemn and tearful occasion for many people. Louise's mum, sisters and nephew were there to comfort and support her. Ahh... the beauty of family love. For me, I'm just glad I'm able to support a grieving friend with whatever little I can offer.
This entry is dedicated in memory of Jeffrey Jude Lee.
As I sat beside her, tears streamed down her eyes and I could sensed her grief & agony deep inside me. To be separated from your loved ones is dukkha indeed. Louise told me that Jeff met an accident while biking with his gang of friends along the Karak highway. By the time his entourage made a u-turn and discovered his body, his pouch with wallet and valuables inside had been stolen. Such is the depravity and cruelty certain people are capable of when greed overrides everything. Louise then said she'll stay overnight for the wake till the service tomorrow, ie. to be there almost 24 hours. Worried for her mental well-being, I asked her why and she said she wanted to be by Jeff side as long as she can. I wanted to share that she can be "with" Jeff by cherishing the thought of him and his good deeds instead of compromising her sleep knowing that she'll need more strength for the service and cremation tomorrow. But I decided to keep quiet and drop by to keep her company in the early hours of the morning when nobody is around.
But earlier in the night, the guys in my gym sparred really hard with me so I came home with my whole body feeling sore and aching, even had a laceration below my left eye. I quickly showered and as I prep myself to visit Louise, typical reluctance came over me: my body is in pain, I barely know Jeff, it's too late, I need to work tomorrow, & lastly, it's my birthday tomorrow. But Buddhism taught me that only the present moment matters, so it's up to me to make a difference, to do what I can while I still can. With this resolve and clarity from a previous experience, I drove my car to the mamak at 2am in the morning and bought 4 packs of hot drinks for Louise. I had no idea what drink she like and I wouldn't wanna call her because I'm sure she'll stop me from coming if I did. I arrived to find her sitting alone in the hall while some of Jeff friends sat outside. She was surprised to see me but seemed glad. She took the pack of hot Milo and chatted with me. I kept quiet most of the time because I felt she needed space to grief and share. Hope I did the right thing compare to some of her more vocal friends.
To following day I attended Jeff's cremation which was a solemn and tearful occasion for many people. Louise's mum, sisters and nephew were there to comfort and support her. Ahh... the beauty of family love. For me, I'm just glad I'm able to support a grieving friend with whatever little I can offer.
This entry is dedicated in memory of Jeffrey Jude Lee.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
What is The Highest Protection?
Many devas and humans beings
give thought to protection,
desiring well-being.
Tell, then, the highest protection.
The Buddha:
Not consorting with fools,
consorting with the wise,
paying homage to those worthy of homage:
This is the highest protection.
Living in a civilized land,
having made merit in the past,
directing oneself rightly:
This is the highest protection.
Broad knowledge, skill,
well-mastered discipline,
well-spoken words:
This is the highest protection.
Support for one's parents,
assistance to one's wife and children,
consistency in one's work:
This is the highest protection.
Generosity, living in rectitude (uprightness),
assistance to one's relatives,
deeds that are blameless:
This is the highest protection.
Avoiding, abstaining from evil;
refraining from intoxicants,
being heedful of the qualities of the mind:
This is the highest protection.
Respect, humility,
contentment, gratitude,
hearing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.
Patience, composure,
seeing contemplatives,
discussing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.
Austerity, celibacy,
seeing the Noble Truths,
realizing Unbinding:
This is the highest protection.
A mind that, when touched
by the ways of the world,
is unshaken, sorrowless, dustless, at rest:
This is the highest protection.
Everywhere undefeated
when acting in this way,
people go everywhere in well-being:
This is their highest protection.
Sutta Nipata II.4, Mahamangala Sutta.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
In memory of my grandma Lee Siew
Today is Wesak day, and also happened to be the 100th day of my maternal grandmother Lee Siew death, who passed away on 30th January, 2009 at the ripe old age of 93.
On that fateful morning, I received a call around 5am from my dad who said grandma is having difficulties. I rushed over to her residence and her caretaker Ann told me that grandma is unconscious and her vital signs are very weak. Ann, who run the nursing and old folks home where my grandma is residing, is a certified nurse who specializes in Geriatric care. By the time I reached her bedside, my grandma looked like she's deep asleep but struggling to breathe loudly and heavily. Ann calmly told me that this is normal when people are about to pass away due to old age. I composed myself and tried to recall all that I have read about what to do in a person's final dying moment from the Buddhist perspective. I put my hands on her forehead and foot to feel the warmth and pulled up the blanket to keep her warm and comfortable. As the body dissolve and consciousness fade, it's important to ensure that the dying person state of mind is clear and wholesome. That is why we shouldn't cry or lament in front of a dying person to free that person from worries, guilt, regrets, attachment and any unwholesome thoughts. I remembered Bhante Aggacitta once said even a person in coma can hear or feel what we said or do around him or her.
I went to buy batteries to run the chanting machine in the form of Guan Yin statue and place it near her ear. Putting an image of reverence like a Buddha statue, or any other image according to the dying person belief (Jesus, Angels, Deities) will help calm the dying person's mind so that they will have positive, peaceful state of mind. According to Buddhist belief, a dying person's final state of mind is one of the key factor that will determine that person place of rebirth. I whispered into her ears and asked her to chant and think of Amitabha Buddha, which is her main belief. While my mum & dad are around, I rushed to Maha Vihara to fetch a monk to chant for her and had the blessing of meeting a very kind & understanding monk named Bhante Sumangala who came and chanted few verses from the suttas for her. After chanting, Bhante used a spoon and fed some holy water into my grandma's mouth. He said this is more effective than sprinkling holy water in the case of a dying person.
While fetching Bhante Sumangala back to Maha Vihara, my mum called and informed me that my grandma had passed away soon after we left. This is how unpredictable life can be. A doctor in the ICU once told me: I've seen cases where people stuck around critical patients' bedside 24/7, but sadly the patients died the moment their loved ones walked away to the toilet. Our family then convened to decide which funeral service to engage. I pulled up a name card which I kept in my pocket for the last 3 years: Koperasi Buddhisme Malaysia Berhad (Malaysian Buddhist Co-operative Society Limited). Their Funeral Directors, Bro Kelvin Lim and Sis Didi Chan impressed me when they conducted the funeral for a friend's father few years back.
I called Bro Kelvin and within few hours he turned up and arranged everything for me. By the next day, the setup for my grandma's funeral was done with 2 altars: one in Theravada tradition (which I practice) and the other in Mahayana tradition (which my family practice). Kelvin took great patience to explain to my parents Buddhist traditions and ways. I then fetch 3 monks from Maha Vihara to chant and conduct transference of merits to my grandma. It was absolutely heartwarming to see my 5 years old daughter kneeling down and giving respect during the whole time the monks were chanting and later gave a talk on the Dhamma.
Because my grandma died during the Chinese new year holidays, we decided not to inform anyone except for a few close relatives. Most Chinese are "pantang" (fearful) about attending funeral during auspicious period. Except for the Mahayana nuns that Kelvin arranged to chant in the evening, we were prepared for a quiet funeral since few people knew. Fortunately, my mum met a Pureland Buddhist follower who enquired if we want them to chant for my grandma later in the night. To our surprise and amazement, a big number of people turned up that night to chant for my grandma. The whole place resonated with Amitofo, Amitofo, Amitofo... as they chanted in unison and I felt so much loving kindness and compassion from these kind folks. I've joined supportive chanting group before but never have I seen a group this size, this many. My mum said it's my grandma's blessing to have so many people chanting for her.
After 2 nights, we buried my grandma in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Today our family gathered there to pay respect to a great grandma whose strength and willpower epitomizes what family bond is all about.
On that fateful morning, I received a call around 5am from my dad who said grandma is having difficulties. I rushed over to her residence and her caretaker Ann told me that grandma is unconscious and her vital signs are very weak. Ann, who run the nursing and old folks home where my grandma is residing, is a certified nurse who specializes in Geriatric care. By the time I reached her bedside, my grandma looked like she's deep asleep but struggling to breathe loudly and heavily. Ann calmly told me that this is normal when people are about to pass away due to old age. I composed myself and tried to recall all that I have read about what to do in a person's final dying moment from the Buddhist perspective. I put my hands on her forehead and foot to feel the warmth and pulled up the blanket to keep her warm and comfortable. As the body dissolve and consciousness fade, it's important to ensure that the dying person state of mind is clear and wholesome. That is why we shouldn't cry or lament in front of a dying person to free that person from worries, guilt, regrets, attachment and any unwholesome thoughts. I remembered Bhante Aggacitta once said even a person in coma can hear or feel what we said or do around him or her.
I went to buy batteries to run the chanting machine in the form of Guan Yin statue and place it near her ear. Putting an image of reverence like a Buddha statue, or any other image according to the dying person belief (Jesus, Angels, Deities) will help calm the dying person's mind so that they will have positive, peaceful state of mind. According to Buddhist belief, a dying person's final state of mind is one of the key factor that will determine that person place of rebirth. I whispered into her ears and asked her to chant and think of Amitabha Buddha, which is her main belief. While my mum & dad are around, I rushed to Maha Vihara to fetch a monk to chant for her and had the blessing of meeting a very kind & understanding monk named Bhante Sumangala who came and chanted few verses from the suttas for her. After chanting, Bhante used a spoon and fed some holy water into my grandma's mouth. He said this is more effective than sprinkling holy water in the case of a dying person.
While fetching Bhante Sumangala back to Maha Vihara, my mum called and informed me that my grandma had passed away soon after we left. This is how unpredictable life can be. A doctor in the ICU once told me: I've seen cases where people stuck around critical patients' bedside 24/7, but sadly the patients died the moment their loved ones walked away to the toilet. Our family then convened to decide which funeral service to engage. I pulled up a name card which I kept in my pocket for the last 3 years: Koperasi Buddhisme Malaysia Berhad (Malaysian Buddhist Co-operative Society Limited). Their Funeral Directors, Bro Kelvin Lim and Sis Didi Chan impressed me when they conducted the funeral for a friend's father few years back.
I called Bro Kelvin and within few hours he turned up and arranged everything for me. By the next day, the setup for my grandma's funeral was done with 2 altars: one in Theravada tradition (which I practice) and the other in Mahayana tradition (which my family practice). Kelvin took great patience to explain to my parents Buddhist traditions and ways. I then fetch 3 monks from Maha Vihara to chant and conduct transference of merits to my grandma. It was absolutely heartwarming to see my 5 years old daughter kneeling down and giving respect during the whole time the monks were chanting and later gave a talk on the Dhamma.
Because my grandma died during the Chinese new year holidays, we decided not to inform anyone except for a few close relatives. Most Chinese are "pantang" (fearful) about attending funeral during auspicious period. Except for the Mahayana nuns that Kelvin arranged to chant in the evening, we were prepared for a quiet funeral since few people knew. Fortunately, my mum met a Pureland Buddhist follower who enquired if we want them to chant for my grandma later in the night. To our surprise and amazement, a big number of people turned up that night to chant for my grandma. The whole place resonated with Amitofo, Amitofo, Amitofo... as they chanted in unison and I felt so much loving kindness and compassion from these kind folks. I've joined supportive chanting group before but never have I seen a group this size, this many. My mum said it's my grandma's blessing to have so many people chanting for her.
After 2 nights, we buried my grandma in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Today our family gathered there to pay respect to a great grandma whose strength and willpower epitomizes what family bond is all about.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Save the children of Gaza
As my heart warmed to the fun-filled antics of my precocious daughter in her daily carefree routine of playtime, meals and learning, I can't help but wonder about those who are less fortunate than her. Children suffering from wars, hungers, crimes, abuse and all manners of cruelty. Read about my previous posts on Blood Diamond and Rwanda to understand what I mean.
The recent atrocities committed by Israel against civilians and children in Gaza is a reflection of the First Noble Truth - life is suffering. I can't help but wonder how would a parent feel to see their children killed right in front of their eyes; to see them crying out loud in agony and pain from the wounds inflicted by bullets, shrapnels, broken glasses and rubbles. Think it'll never happen to your child? What if natural disasters and accidents strike? Read my dedication to Demi Adams.
Try something with me. See the pictures above. Look at the lifeless bodies of the dead children and babies. Now close your eyes, imagine one of them is your child. Say to yourself: the unthinkable has happened - your child is dead, motionless, limbs and body stiff - no amount of crying and shaking will wake them up. You'll never hear cute giggling or laughing anymore. Nothing... just a lifeless body and dead silence. Can you feel the pain and grief of parents who lost their children in this war? Can you imagine how excruciating it is: to have your loved ones taken away from you in such cruel ways.
Whatever claims Israel has against Palestine and it's people, it's gone when they killed civilians indiscriminately. Nothing justify such blatant violations of humanity and disregard for human lives. This is not about the Arab-Israel conflict, it's not about a country sovereignty and it's right to defend itself. It's simply about soldiers killing civilians and children. I'm not going to suggest any specific course of action but as long as you are aware of the sufferings faced by the Palestinian people, then I'm sure your wisdom will lead the way for you. In fact, if everyone is aware of the pain and suffering from war and cherish peace with all their heart, all their might; this world will be a better place.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Khanti
Then I got cheated by my new car salesman who promised me many things but not only broke many of them, he cheated me again later. I kept my cool telling myself those are just material/monetary losses, and not to get too attached to them. I will lodge official complaint soon but will try my best to refrain from scolding him.
Lastly, I got into an argument in the Internet forum over some products which I was promoting till it escalated into names calling. I took hold of my pride, admitted that he presented valid points, and apologized for my insensitive remarks. Immediately he responded with a softer tone and we made our peace. Nice result from being patience and not giving in to my pride.
I must say that in all those episodes, I was indeed angry and felt wronged. But I refrained from acting on my anger. I managed to be mindful that acting on anger is not wholesome at all, and hope that I've acted with skillful means in all those instances. This is the perfection of Khanti. May the lights of patience shine through our pride, anger and ignorance.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tzu Chi Foundation
Founded in 1966 by Dharma Master Cheng Yen in the impoverished east coast of Taiwan, the Tzu Chi Foundation has been contributing to better social and community services, medical care, education and humanitarian efforts all over the world. My Taiwanese friend Mark used to tell me how their volunteers would be the first one to arrive to help flood victims in Taiwan even faster than any other relief agencies.
Their Malaysian chapter, Buddhist Tzu Chi Merits Society helps everyone regardless of race, religion and all the labels we used to separate or differentiate ourselves. They provided assistance and relief to the Johor flood victims during and after the flood. Their Dialysis Centers provided not only medical assistance to the needy but also help uplift their lives by encouraging them help collect, sort and sell recyclable materials to provide operating funds for the three centers. Serving a worthy cause brightened the lives of these volunteers who are also patients.
What impressed me most is the manner which Tzu Chi Merits Society volunteers help people. During the Sichuan earthquake in China, they came to Low Yat Plaza to collect funds to help the earthquake victims. They stationed two persons teams in the main entrance and near all the escalators. Then they smile and bow down graciously to everyone who pass by with the hope of getting a donation from them. I inserted some money into the donation box and went upstairs to see my dealers. About half an hour later, I came back downstairs, and saw them still smiling and bowing their head down continuously. It's amazing, such gracious respect and honour given to everyone who walks by regardless whether the person donates or not. I gave again and felt moved and inspired by such gestures of humility and sincerity.
My deepest admiration and salute goes to Tzu Chi Foundation as an organisation that demonstrate compassionate wisdom with affirmative actions.
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