Dealing with our loved ones suffering

I've calmed down a bit this week. My mum's condition hasn't changed but at least I get to spend time talking to her whenever she is awake or conscious.

Watching this video on Ajahn Brahm talking about how to deal the suffering of loved ones helped me a lot. In short, he talked about reducing our emotional suffering by not attaching "ownership" to one's spouse, children, parents etc. Ajahn Brahm also taught that our loved ones in critical condition will not want us to suffer seeing them in such condition, and we should be strong for them. Furthermore, crying or lamenting cannot help anyone, so we need to compose ourselves and have a cup of tea (or anything you prefer).

One beautiful thing he taught is that our loved ones suffering offer us the opportunity to take care of them, serve them and generally do good. This is really an encouraging way of facing the situation I'm in now.

To Ajahn Brahm, you have my deep gratitude and respect for your kindness & enlightening teachings.

With Metta,
Charles.

Keeping vigil for my mum

This month is probably my most painful and saddest month. My beloved mum condition deteriorated to a point where she is no longer able to move or eat on her own. I was unable to accept nor believe the possibility that she will leave us soon, because we can spot few signs of dying. This is one of the most painful moment in my life.

I realized tonight that I only read and contemplate the Dhamma at extremely solemn moment like this. It is my hope for those reading this please do not be like me, and end up with excruciating mental anguish of being unable to cope and accept a loved one leaving us. Practice the Dhamma and reflect on Anicca (impermanence), Dukkha (suffering) and Anatta (no self) constantly.

I'm reading Kisagotami tale now to keep calm and reflect on the Buddha's teachings, while keeping vigil over my mum every moment I get. May this post be of use to anyone who is grieving or in a similar situation like me.

I end with this reply on my Facebook by my old friend Rajendra Inani regarding taking care of my mum:
"Hey Charles, its a great duty taking care of parents when they are old. One may buy such services with money, but doing it on your own as your duty and gratitude towards parents is something considered as worshiping God."

With Metta,
Charles. /\

Lesson of Sacrifice from a 9 year old Japanese boy

Just an interesting story I hope will inspire you to greater good.


EDITOR’S NOTE: This letter, written by Vietnamese immigrant Ha Minh Thanh who works in Fukushima as a policeman to a friend in Vietnam, was posted on New America Media (NAM) on March 19. It is a testimonial to the strength of the Japanese spirit, and an interesting slice of life near the epicentre of Japan’s crisis at the Fukushima nuclear power plant. It was translated by NAM editor Andrew Lam, author of “East Eats West: Writing in Two Hemispheres.” Shanghai Daily condensed it.

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Brother,


How are you and your family? These last few days, everything was in chaos. When I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. When I open my eyes, I also see dead bodies.


Each one of us must work 20 hours a day, yet I wish there were 48 hours in the day, so that we could continue helping and rescuing folks. We are without water and electricity, and food rations are near zero. We barely manage to move refugees before there are new orders to move them elsewhere.


I am currently in Fukushima, about 25 kilometres away from the nuclear power plant. I have so much to tell you that if I could write it all down, it would surely turn into a novel about human relationships and behaviours during times of crisis.


People here remain calm – their sense of dignity and proper behaviour are very good – so things aren’t as bad as they could be. But given another week, I can’t guarantee that things won’t get to a point where we can no longer provide proper protection and order.


They are humans after all, and when hunger and thirst override dignity, well, they will do whatever they have to do. The government is trying to provide supplies by air, bringing in food and medicine, but it’s like dropping a little salt into the ocean.

Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to behave like a human being.


Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity organisation distribute food to the refugees. It was a long line that snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy around 9 years old. He was wearing a tee-shirt and a pair of shorts.


It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the line. I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn’t be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony when he saw the tsunami sweep his father’s car away.


I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the beach and that his mother and little sister probably didn’t make it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his relatives.


The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him. That’s when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it up and gave it to him.


“When it comes to your turn, they might run out of food. So here’s my portion. I already ate. Why don’t you eat it?”


The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away, but he didn’t. He took the bag of food, went up to where the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be distributed.


I was shocked. I asked him why he didn’t eat it and instead added it to the food pile. He said, “Because I see a lot more people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will distribute the food equally.”


When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn’t see me cry.


A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good must be a great society, a great people.


Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours of my shift have begun again.


Ha Minh Thanh