Happy Diwali Folks.
May the light of joy & happiness shine on you always.
PS. Thousands of candles can be lit by a single candle. Go on, light up somebody's world today. :)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Touching Diwali message
Found this today while surfing around. The touching message says it all. Pass it around to everyone.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Supporting a grieving friend
My friend Louise lost her boyfriend Jeffrey Lee in a horrible motorbike accident last week. She had only known him not too long and their relationship only started last year. Louise had been through few really tough times and I was very happy for her to have found someone like Jeff. Though I've met Jeff only a couple of times, he came across as very nice and warm person. It was validated when Louise told me on my first visit to the funeral wake that Jeff have no temper. This is truly admirable because such person are rare. As a Buddhist, I've learned that people who perfectly restrain their anger are like harmless sages of solid gold, we call them The Efficient Charioteer - see verse 222.
As I sat beside her, tears streamed down her eyes and I could sensed her grief & agony deep inside me. To be separated from your loved ones is dukkha indeed. Louise told me that Jeff met an accident while biking with his gang of friends along the Karak highway. By the time his entourage made a u-turn and discovered his body, his pouch with wallet and valuables inside had been stolen. Such is the depravity and cruelty certain people are capable of when greed overrides everything. Louise then said she'll stay overnight for the wake till the service tomorrow, ie. to be there almost 24 hours. Worried for her mental well-being, I asked her why and she said she wanted to be by Jeff side as long as she can. I wanted to share that she can be "with" Jeff by cherishing the thought of him and his good deeds instead of compromising her sleep knowing that she'll need more strength for the service and cremation tomorrow. But I decided to keep quiet and drop by to keep her company in the early hours of the morning when nobody is around.
But earlier in the night, the guys in my gym sparred really hard with me so I came home with my whole body feeling sore and aching, even had a laceration below my left eye. I quickly showered and as I prep myself to visit Louise, typical reluctance came over me: my body is in pain, I barely know Jeff, it's too late, I need to work tomorrow, & lastly, it's my birthday tomorrow. But Buddhism taught me that only the present moment matters, so it's up to me to make a difference, to do what I can while I still can. With this resolve and clarity from a previous experience, I drove my car to the mamak at 2am in the morning and bought 4 packs of hot drinks for Louise. I had no idea what drink she like and I wouldn't wanna call her because I'm sure she'll stop me from coming if I did. I arrived to find her sitting alone in the hall while some of Jeff friends sat outside. She was surprised to see me but seemed glad. She took the pack of hot Milo and chatted with me. I kept quiet most of the time because I felt she needed space to grief and share. Hope I did the right thing compare to some of her more vocal friends.
To following day I attended Jeff's cremation which was a solemn and tearful occasion for many people. Louise's mum, sisters and nephew were there to comfort and support her. Ahh... the beauty of family love. For me, I'm just glad I'm able to support a grieving friend with whatever little I can offer.
This entry is dedicated in memory of Jeffrey Jude Lee.
As I sat beside her, tears streamed down her eyes and I could sensed her grief & agony deep inside me. To be separated from your loved ones is dukkha indeed. Louise told me that Jeff met an accident while biking with his gang of friends along the Karak highway. By the time his entourage made a u-turn and discovered his body, his pouch with wallet and valuables inside had been stolen. Such is the depravity and cruelty certain people are capable of when greed overrides everything. Louise then said she'll stay overnight for the wake till the service tomorrow, ie. to be there almost 24 hours. Worried for her mental well-being, I asked her why and she said she wanted to be by Jeff side as long as she can. I wanted to share that she can be "with" Jeff by cherishing the thought of him and his good deeds instead of compromising her sleep knowing that she'll need more strength for the service and cremation tomorrow. But I decided to keep quiet and drop by to keep her company in the early hours of the morning when nobody is around.
But earlier in the night, the guys in my gym sparred really hard with me so I came home with my whole body feeling sore and aching, even had a laceration below my left eye. I quickly showered and as I prep myself to visit Louise, typical reluctance came over me: my body is in pain, I barely know Jeff, it's too late, I need to work tomorrow, & lastly, it's my birthday tomorrow. But Buddhism taught me that only the present moment matters, so it's up to me to make a difference, to do what I can while I still can. With this resolve and clarity from a previous experience, I drove my car to the mamak at 2am in the morning and bought 4 packs of hot drinks for Louise. I had no idea what drink she like and I wouldn't wanna call her because I'm sure she'll stop me from coming if I did. I arrived to find her sitting alone in the hall while some of Jeff friends sat outside. She was surprised to see me but seemed glad. She took the pack of hot Milo and chatted with me. I kept quiet most of the time because I felt she needed space to grief and share. Hope I did the right thing compare to some of her more vocal friends.
To following day I attended Jeff's cremation which was a solemn and tearful occasion for many people. Louise's mum, sisters and nephew were there to comfort and support her. Ahh... the beauty of family love. For me, I'm just glad I'm able to support a grieving friend with whatever little I can offer.
This entry is dedicated in memory of Jeffrey Jude Lee.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
What is The Highest Protection?
Many devas and humans beings
give thought to protection,
desiring well-being.
Tell, then, the highest protection.
The Buddha:
Not consorting with fools,
consorting with the wise,
paying homage to those worthy of homage:
This is the highest protection.
Living in a civilized land,
having made merit in the past,
directing oneself rightly:
This is the highest protection.
Broad knowledge, skill,
well-mastered discipline,
well-spoken words:
This is the highest protection.
Support for one's parents,
assistance to one's wife and children,
consistency in one's work:
This is the highest protection.
Generosity, living in rectitude (uprightness),
assistance to one's relatives,
deeds that are blameless:
This is the highest protection.
Avoiding, abstaining from evil;
refraining from intoxicants,
being heedful of the qualities of the mind:
This is the highest protection.
Respect, humility,
contentment, gratitude,
hearing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.
Patience, composure,
seeing contemplatives,
discussing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.
Austerity, celibacy,
seeing the Noble Truths,
realizing Unbinding:
This is the highest protection.
A mind that, when touched
by the ways of the world,
is unshaken, sorrowless, dustless, at rest:
This is the highest protection.
Everywhere undefeated
when acting in this way,
people go everywhere in well-being:
This is their highest protection.
Sutta Nipata II.4, Mahamangala Sutta.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
In memory of my grandma Lee Siew
Today is Wesak day, and also happened to be the 100th day of my maternal grandmother Lee Siew death, who passed away on 30th January, 2009 at the ripe old age of 93.
On that fateful morning, I received a call around 5am from my dad who said grandma is having difficulties. I rushed over to her residence and her caretaker Ann told me that grandma is unconscious and her vital signs are very weak. Ann, who run the nursing and old folks home where my grandma is residing, is a certified nurse who specializes in Geriatric care. By the time I reached her bedside, my grandma looked like she's deep asleep but struggling to breathe loudly and heavily. Ann calmly told me that this is normal when people are about to pass away due to old age. I composed myself and tried to recall all that I have read about what to do in a person's final dying moment from the Buddhist perspective. I put my hands on her forehead and foot to feel the warmth and pulled up the blanket to keep her warm and comfortable. As the body dissolve and consciousness fade, it's important to ensure that the dying person state of mind is clear and wholesome. That is why we shouldn't cry or lament in front of a dying person to free that person from worries, guilt, regrets, attachment and any unwholesome thoughts. I remembered Bhante Aggacitta once said even a person in coma can hear or feel what we said or do around him or her.
I went to buy batteries to run the chanting machine in the form of Guan Yin statue and place it near her ear. Putting an image of reverence like a Buddha statue, or any other image according to the dying person belief (Jesus, Angels, Deities) will help calm the dying person's mind so that they will have positive, peaceful state of mind. According to Buddhist belief, a dying person's final state of mind is one of the key factor that will determine that person place of rebirth. I whispered into her ears and asked her to chant and think of Amitabha Buddha, which is her main belief. While my mum & dad are around, I rushed to Maha Vihara to fetch a monk to chant for her and had the blessing of meeting a very kind & understanding monk named Bhante Sumangala who came and chanted few verses from the suttas for her. After chanting, Bhante used a spoon and fed some holy water into my grandma's mouth. He said this is more effective than sprinkling holy water in the case of a dying person.
While fetching Bhante Sumangala back to Maha Vihara, my mum called and informed me that my grandma had passed away soon after we left. This is how unpredictable life can be. A doctor in the ICU once told me: I've seen cases where people stuck around critical patients' bedside 24/7, but sadly the patients died the moment their loved ones walked away to the toilet. Our family then convened to decide which funeral service to engage. I pulled up a name card which I kept in my pocket for the last 3 years: Koperasi Buddhisme Malaysia Berhad (Malaysian Buddhist Co-operative Society Limited). Their Funeral Directors, Bro Kelvin Lim and Sis Didi Chan impressed me when they conducted the funeral for a friend's father few years back.
I called Bro Kelvin and within few hours he turned up and arranged everything for me. By the next day, the setup for my grandma's funeral was done with 2 altars: one in Theravada tradition (which I practice) and the other in Mahayana tradition (which my family practice). Kelvin took great patience to explain to my parents Buddhist traditions and ways. I then fetch 3 monks from Maha Vihara to chant and conduct transference of merits to my grandma. It was absolutely heartwarming to see my 5 years old daughter kneeling down and giving respect during the whole time the monks were chanting and later gave a talk on the Dhamma.
Because my grandma died during the Chinese new year holidays, we decided not to inform anyone except for a few close relatives. Most Chinese are "pantang" (fearful) about attending funeral during auspicious period. Except for the Mahayana nuns that Kelvin arranged to chant in the evening, we were prepared for a quiet funeral since few people knew. Fortunately, my mum met a Pureland Buddhist follower who enquired if we want them to chant for my grandma later in the night. To our surprise and amazement, a big number of people turned up that night to chant for my grandma. The whole place resonated with Amitofo, Amitofo, Amitofo... as they chanted in unison and I felt so much loving kindness and compassion from these kind folks. I've joined supportive chanting group before but never have I seen a group this size, this many. My mum said it's my grandma's blessing to have so many people chanting for her.
After 2 nights, we buried my grandma in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Today our family gathered there to pay respect to a great grandma whose strength and willpower epitomizes what family bond is all about.
On that fateful morning, I received a call around 5am from my dad who said grandma is having difficulties. I rushed over to her residence and her caretaker Ann told me that grandma is unconscious and her vital signs are very weak. Ann, who run the nursing and old folks home where my grandma is residing, is a certified nurse who specializes in Geriatric care. By the time I reached her bedside, my grandma looked like she's deep asleep but struggling to breathe loudly and heavily. Ann calmly told me that this is normal when people are about to pass away due to old age. I composed myself and tried to recall all that I have read about what to do in a person's final dying moment from the Buddhist perspective. I put my hands on her forehead and foot to feel the warmth and pulled up the blanket to keep her warm and comfortable. As the body dissolve and consciousness fade, it's important to ensure that the dying person state of mind is clear and wholesome. That is why we shouldn't cry or lament in front of a dying person to free that person from worries, guilt, regrets, attachment and any unwholesome thoughts. I remembered Bhante Aggacitta once said even a person in coma can hear or feel what we said or do around him or her.
I went to buy batteries to run the chanting machine in the form of Guan Yin statue and place it near her ear. Putting an image of reverence like a Buddha statue, or any other image according to the dying person belief (Jesus, Angels, Deities) will help calm the dying person's mind so that they will have positive, peaceful state of mind. According to Buddhist belief, a dying person's final state of mind is one of the key factor that will determine that person place of rebirth. I whispered into her ears and asked her to chant and think of Amitabha Buddha, which is her main belief. While my mum & dad are around, I rushed to Maha Vihara to fetch a monk to chant for her and had the blessing of meeting a very kind & understanding monk named Bhante Sumangala who came and chanted few verses from the suttas for her. After chanting, Bhante used a spoon and fed some holy water into my grandma's mouth. He said this is more effective than sprinkling holy water in the case of a dying person.
While fetching Bhante Sumangala back to Maha Vihara, my mum called and informed me that my grandma had passed away soon after we left. This is how unpredictable life can be. A doctor in the ICU once told me: I've seen cases where people stuck around critical patients' bedside 24/7, but sadly the patients died the moment their loved ones walked away to the toilet. Our family then convened to decide which funeral service to engage. I pulled up a name card which I kept in my pocket for the last 3 years: Koperasi Buddhisme Malaysia Berhad (Malaysian Buddhist Co-operative Society Limited). Their Funeral Directors, Bro Kelvin Lim and Sis Didi Chan impressed me when they conducted the funeral for a friend's father few years back.
I called Bro Kelvin and within few hours he turned up and arranged everything for me. By the next day, the setup for my grandma's funeral was done with 2 altars: one in Theravada tradition (which I practice) and the other in Mahayana tradition (which my family practice). Kelvin took great patience to explain to my parents Buddhist traditions and ways. I then fetch 3 monks from Maha Vihara to chant and conduct transference of merits to my grandma. It was absolutely heartwarming to see my 5 years old daughter kneeling down and giving respect during the whole time the monks were chanting and later gave a talk on the Dhamma.
Because my grandma died during the Chinese new year holidays, we decided not to inform anyone except for a few close relatives. Most Chinese are "pantang" (fearful) about attending funeral during auspicious period. Except for the Mahayana nuns that Kelvin arranged to chant in the evening, we were prepared for a quiet funeral since few people knew. Fortunately, my mum met a Pureland Buddhist follower who enquired if we want them to chant for my grandma later in the night. To our surprise and amazement, a big number of people turned up that night to chant for my grandma. The whole place resonated with Amitofo, Amitofo, Amitofo... as they chanted in unison and I felt so much loving kindness and compassion from these kind folks. I've joined supportive chanting group before but never have I seen a group this size, this many. My mum said it's my grandma's blessing to have so many people chanting for her.
After 2 nights, we buried my grandma in Nirvana Memorial Park in Semenyih. Today our family gathered there to pay respect to a great grandma whose strength and willpower epitomizes what family bond is all about.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Save the children of Gaza
As my heart warmed to the fun-filled antics of my precocious daughter in her daily carefree routine of playtime, meals and learning, I can't help but wonder about those who are less fortunate than her. Children suffering from wars, hungers, crimes, abuse and all manners of cruelty. Read about my previous posts on Blood Diamond and Rwanda to understand what I mean.
The recent atrocities committed by Israel against civilians and children in Gaza is a reflection of the First Noble Truth - life is suffering. I can't help but wonder how would a parent feel to see their children killed right in front of their eyes; to see them crying out loud in agony and pain from the wounds inflicted by bullets, shrapnels, broken glasses and rubbles. Think it'll never happen to your child? What if natural disasters and accidents strike? Read my dedication to Demi Adams.
Try something with me. See the pictures above. Look at the lifeless bodies of the dead children and babies. Now close your eyes, imagine one of them is your child. Say to yourself: the unthinkable has happened - your child is dead, motionless, limbs and body stiff - no amount of crying and shaking will wake them up. You'll never hear cute giggling or laughing anymore. Nothing... just a lifeless body and dead silence. Can you feel the pain and grief of parents who lost their children in this war? Can you imagine how excruciating it is: to have your loved ones taken away from you in such cruel ways.
Whatever claims Israel has against Palestine and it's people, it's gone when they killed civilians indiscriminately. Nothing justify such blatant violations of humanity and disregard for human lives. This is not about the Arab-Israel conflict, it's not about a country sovereignty and it's right to defend itself. It's simply about soldiers killing civilians and children. I'm not going to suggest any specific course of action but as long as you are aware of the sufferings faced by the Palestinian people, then I'm sure your wisdom will lead the way for you. In fact, if everyone is aware of the pain and suffering from war and cherish peace with all their heart, all their might; this world will be a better place.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Khanti
Then I got cheated by my new car salesman who promised me many things but not only broke many of them, he cheated me again later. I kept my cool telling myself those are just material/monetary losses, and not to get too attached to them. I will lodge official complaint soon but will try my best to refrain from scolding him.
Lastly, I got into an argument in the Internet forum over some products which I was promoting till it escalated into names calling. I took hold of my pride, admitted that he presented valid points, and apologized for my insensitive remarks. Immediately he responded with a softer tone and we made our peace. Nice result from being patience and not giving in to my pride.
I must say that in all those episodes, I was indeed angry and felt wronged. But I refrained from acting on my anger. I managed to be mindful that acting on anger is not wholesome at all, and hope that I've acted with skillful means in all those instances. This is the perfection of Khanti. May the lights of patience shine through our pride, anger and ignorance.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tzu Chi Foundation
Founded in 1966 by Dharma Master Cheng Yen in the impoverished east coast of Taiwan, the Tzu Chi Foundation has been contributing to better social and community services, medical care, education and humanitarian efforts all over the world. My Taiwanese friend Mark used to tell me how their volunteers would be the first one to arrive to help flood victims in Taiwan even faster than any other relief agencies.
Their Malaysian chapter, Buddhist Tzu Chi Merits Society helps everyone regardless of race, religion and all the labels we used to separate or differentiate ourselves. They provided assistance and relief to the Johor flood victims during and after the flood. Their Dialysis Centers provided not only medical assistance to the needy but also help uplift their lives by encouraging them help collect, sort and sell recyclable materials to provide operating funds for the three centers. Serving a worthy cause brightened the lives of these volunteers who are also patients.
What impressed me most is the manner which Tzu Chi Merits Society volunteers help people. During the Sichuan earthquake in China, they came to Low Yat Plaza to collect funds to help the earthquake victims. They stationed two persons teams in the main entrance and near all the escalators. Then they smile and bow down graciously to everyone who pass by with the hope of getting a donation from them. I inserted some money into the donation box and went upstairs to see my dealers. About half an hour later, I came back downstairs, and saw them still smiling and bowing their head down continuously. It's amazing, such gracious respect and honour given to everyone who walks by regardless whether the person donates or not. I gave again and felt moved and inspired by such gestures of humility and sincerity.
My deepest admiration and salute goes to Tzu Chi Foundation as an organisation that demonstrate compassionate wisdom with affirmative actions.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Food for Thoughts
Susan arranged for a nice family dinner yesterday. The restaurant is call Xian Tien and it's run by her spiritual movement society Bai Tian Gong. I recalled one of the better known dish there is fried frog legs. Now I know some of you are squirmy about eating 4-legged amphibians but let me tell you that frogs are quite a delicacy in Asian and Chinese cuisine.
It struck upon me that the frogs in that restaurant are normally kept alive before being cooked. Now I'm in a dilemma, I would not like to eat meat knowing it's specifically killed for me. This is in line with the Buddha's teachings. But I wouldn't want to disappoint Susan and her family who love this dish. So I tried not to eat any, actually I don't enjoy frog meat anyway.
This whole episode lead me to learn more about the Buddha's teachings on eating meat:
"Monks, I allow you fish and meat that are quite pure in three respects: if they are not seen, heard or suspected to have been killed on purpose for a monk. But, you should not knowingly make use of meat killed on purpose for you." - Jivaka Sutta, MN 55.
My understanding is this is more than a dietary rule. It covers consideration for other living beings and to discourage killing a living being to specifically feed another. Another way to practice compassion and selflessness while cultivating right thought and right action.
As I read more for this entry, I discovered that there are 10 types of meat (humans, elephants, horses, dogs, snakes, lions, tigers, leopards, bears and hyenas) which are prohibited by Buddhism. I'm glad I'm more wary of the Buddha's teachings from this episode. More details here.
As for eating beef, my understanding is that this is not a prohibited meat according to the Buddha's teachings. It's more a Hindu and Chinese belief (esp. those who pay homage to Guan Yin) that one should not eat beef. I do however, agreed with the saying that one should be grateful to those who have provided for us. So it's certainly not grateful to eat the cows and bulls who plow our paddy fields and work so hard for us. Although we use mostly rice tractors today, it's the thought that counts.
It struck upon me that the frogs in that restaurant are normally kept alive before being cooked. Now I'm in a dilemma, I would not like to eat meat knowing it's specifically killed for me. This is in line with the Buddha's teachings. But I wouldn't want to disappoint Susan and her family who love this dish. So I tried not to eat any, actually I don't enjoy frog meat anyway.
This whole episode lead me to learn more about the Buddha's teachings on eating meat:
"Monks, I allow you fish and meat that are quite pure in three respects: if they are not seen, heard or suspected to have been killed on purpose for a monk. But, you should not knowingly make use of meat killed on purpose for you." - Jivaka Sutta, MN 55.
My understanding is this is more than a dietary rule. It covers consideration for other living beings and to discourage killing a living being to specifically feed another. Another way to practice compassion and selflessness while cultivating right thought and right action.
As I read more for this entry, I discovered that there are 10 types of meat (humans, elephants, horses, dogs, snakes, lions, tigers, leopards, bears and hyenas) which are prohibited by Buddhism. I'm glad I'm more wary of the Buddha's teachings from this episode. More details here.
As for eating beef, my understanding is that this is not a prohibited meat according to the Buddha's teachings. It's more a Hindu and Chinese belief (esp. those who pay homage to Guan Yin) that one should not eat beef. I do however, agreed with the saying that one should be grateful to those who have provided for us. So it's certainly not grateful to eat the cows and bulls who plow our paddy fields and work so hard for us. Although we use mostly rice tractors today, it's the thought that counts.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
So Sick of Love Songs
6.51am, just came home from a long meeting. Still haven't hit the sack. My mind kept humming a fabulous song I heard over the radio today. This song basically sums up my sentiment toward the "romance is everything" mentality these days. So here it is, from Ne-Yo, So Sick:
This song dedicated to:
1. Those who strive to be happy no matter what their relationship status is: single, in one, in between, married, separated, divorced, widowed etc.
2. Those who sacrifice their personal relationship and dedicate their lives to helping and caring for others.
3. Those who refuse to settle for a lesser partner just for the sake of having a relationship.
4. Those who have grown up to be stronger and wiser from a broken relationship.
5. Me, because I believed you don't need to be romantic to be romantic, and to be in love to know love.
This song dedicated to:
1. Those who strive to be happy no matter what their relationship status is: single, in one, in between, married, separated, divorced, widowed etc.
2. Those who sacrifice their personal relationship and dedicate their lives to helping and caring for others.
3. Those who refuse to settle for a lesser partner just for the sake of having a relationship.
4. Those who have grown up to be stronger and wiser from a broken relationship.
5. Me, because I believed you don't need to be romantic to be romantic, and to be in love to know love.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Break-Ups and Broken-Hearted
When you love someone deeply, it's really agonizing and utterly disorienting to lose that person. Especially if you spend a lot of time with him/her and your life revolves around that person. So as she shared with me how she wish he will change his mind or how uncertain life is without him, I felt so helpless and sad that a person has to go through so much pain from the failure of a relationship. I tried to comfort her by suggesting she stay calm, live one day at a time and keep busy with work or hobbies knowing very well it's easier said than done. Then my mind reflect back to the Buddha's teachings that there is dukkha in life, it's inescapable as long as we are trap in Samsara (rounds of birth and rebirth). I felt calmer and this strengthened my resolve to be there for her as much as possible.
Around the same time, my old buddy in US called and told me that his relationship of 8 years with his girlfriend is on the verge of a break-up. I knew the both of them quite well and I was shocked to hear after being in a long distance relationship for so long, she wants to call it quits. Well, life can be unpredictable at times, and I can testify to that. Again, I felt lost and defeated simply because I cannot think of one concrete solution to offer him to save his dear relationship.
Whenever I hear of relationship break-ups and friends broken-hearted, my thoughts race to Dhammapadha Verse 61 of which the Buddha asked us to choose the right partner otherwise just stay single (my understanding of it). But this is really hard to do for many people, especially when most of us (me included) crave love, attention, emotional and physical satisfaction, or what Buddhism call attachment to sense pleasure. Personally, this is one tough nut to crack. Through the few break-ups my friends have shared with me, I've resisted sharing this verse with them because I've learned that sharing the Dhamma must be tempered by wisdom and compassion. So I decided to just focus on being there for them whenever they need me. I hope they'll do the same for me when I'm down.
All these sorrowful episodes made me depressed and I wonder why we all have to go through so much pain whenever our relationship failed. I mean, why have relationship at all if the risk is such bitter agony from break-ups and separations. Then I called my 4 years old daughter to say hello and asked her how's her day. She greeted me with enthusiasm, and she told me she had "chicken, carrot and potato" for her dinner. Her sweet and cute little voice lifted me and suddenly it dawned on me: children don't have relationship blues, why? Of course they don't have the kind of relationships adults have but the point is: they have simple needs. They don't feel the pain we feel because they have simple needs. This does NOT mean I'm against romantic relationship but rather I'm sharing a discovery I've made that if we reduce our craving (in this instance, for "love" of all kinds), we can reduce our suffering. And this is not to say if I do face a break-up, I'll not feel sad. But it put things in perspective: if we do suffer break-ups, it's not the end of the world. Remember the times that we were happy with just "chicken, carrot and potato".
Some useful articles:
Breakdown of a break-up - what, when, why, how?
How to cope - as dumper and dumpee (pardon the phrases, it's in the article)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
In Memory of Quan Chee Kheong
Quan has been my friend since 1988. A tall, muscular and handsome fella, he enjoyed working out in the gym, golfing, watching soccer, movies and just being with his family and friends. Therefore it caught me by complete surprise when he suffered a massive heart attack in 2003. His health deteriorated from then on and it's painful to see him so weak and frail. His loving wife Susan was by his side and took good care of him continously. This is what real love is all about: sticking by your loved one in sickness and in health.
Quan was a friendly, helpful and caring friend. I remembered him helping me often when I needed someone who can speak Thai. I remembered him visiting Hua Li in ICU and comforting me despite his weak and frail condition. I remembered him standing in silent solitude over my comatose wife, an assuring and towering figure of strength. He has always helped me whenever I asked. Having an affinity for Thai people, and their culture, he has been a good friend to many Thai people who settled down here, my late Hua Li being one of them.
I'm sure his past training as a lay monk in Thailand helped him cope with his heart ailment with such patience and equaminity. Till Susan explained to me the suffering he has been going through after his heart attack, I never knew a heart patient has to go through so much pain and ache. Yet I never hear him complain or lament about his condition despite not being able to do all those activities he love so much in the past.
His passing has brought a timely awakening to me who has been too busy working in my demanding business. Never take our health for granted, never forget our friends and do good whenever we can. Our family, friends and wealth will be left behind when we die, but our legacy and good deeds will follow us to the next life. And I'm sure my good friend, you have moved on to a better place. May the Triple Gem guide and protect you always, wherever you are. Thank you for your friendship and inspiring me to be a better person. You'll always be remembered.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Contentment as an Antidote for Depression
Took an audio CD from Buddhist Maha Vihara last month. Listened to it many times and I was impressed with the whole talk. The talk entitled "Contentment as an Antidote for Depression" was presented by Dr. Pang Cheng Kar, a medical doctor from HKL with clinical experience in psychology and psychiatry. The good Doc articulated the concept of "what we think will determine how we feel".
This is very close to what The Buddha taught as stated in Dhammapada Chapter 1, Verse 1 & 2:
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with an impure mind, and trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart... Speak or act with a pure mind, and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakable.
Dr. Pang outlined 5 thought patterns that can make us depressed, based on the model by Dr. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy.
1. Generalization: exaggerate and over-amplified matters.
2. Catastrophic Thinking: projecting the worse of the future.
3. Dichotomous or Dualistic Thinking: think of everything in black and white, either success or failure, good or bad, intelligent or stupid etc. No shades, no in-betweens, no tolerance.
4. Personalization: finding faults constantly, with ourselves or others.
5. Absolute thinking: everything is a must. Extreme craving for certain results or outcomes.
All these 5 thought patterns have something in common: fault finding.
He then introduced some ways to cope or overcome depression by conditioning how we think, namely developing contentment. And this is beautiful: he suggest we keep a Diary or Book of Contentment for ourselves. Cultivate or develop contentment by jotting down all the wonderful things that happened to us. For me, this blog is my own diary of contentment.
There are 3 things we can write down in our Book of Contentment:
1. Be grateful for the things that didn't go wrong. Things we take for granted, for eg. our health, enough food to eat, a proper place to stay, peaceful country etc. Many others are suffering from poor health, lost of limbs or abilities, wars and deprived of basic human needs.
2. Be grateful for things that went right. Rejoice for all the good things that happened to you: a caring & supportive family, spouse, a good education, good career, thriving business and all the fine things you have been enjoying in life. Avoid craving for more by rejoicing in them continously as if they just happened yesterday. Dr. Pang shared how he is still thankful for the scholarship he received years ago.
3. Be grateful for things that went wrong. This is highest level of developing contentment. I guessed all of us are too eager to blame but forget to learn from our mistakes. It is the bitter events in our lives that offer us the opportunities to grow and mature into a wiser, better person. This is what Dr. Pang meant by "transformative suffering", learning from our hardship or our pains. By understanding and accepting the fact that our lives will always have ups and downs, we become more forgiving, tolerant and patient to ourselves and others, and in the process, become a happier person.
I dunno about you, but to me, Contentment equals Happiness.
PS. Clinical depression is different from the low mood or blues we sometimes feel. And do note that complacency, indifference or apathy is NOT contentment.
This is very close to what The Buddha taught as stated in Dhammapada Chapter 1, Verse 1 & 2:
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with an impure mind, and trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart... Speak or act with a pure mind, and happiness will follow you as your shadow, unshakable.
Dr. Pang outlined 5 thought patterns that can make us depressed, based on the model by Dr. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy.
1. Generalization: exaggerate and over-amplified matters.
2. Catastrophic Thinking: projecting the worse of the future.
3. Dichotomous or Dualistic Thinking: think of everything in black and white, either success or failure, good or bad, intelligent or stupid etc. No shades, no in-betweens, no tolerance.
4. Personalization: finding faults constantly, with ourselves or others.
5. Absolute thinking: everything is a must. Extreme craving for certain results or outcomes.
All these 5 thought patterns have something in common: fault finding.
He then introduced some ways to cope or overcome depression by conditioning how we think, namely developing contentment. And this is beautiful: he suggest we keep a Diary or Book of Contentment for ourselves. Cultivate or develop contentment by jotting down all the wonderful things that happened to us. For me, this blog is my own diary of contentment.
There are 3 things we can write down in our Book of Contentment:
1. Be grateful for the things that didn't go wrong. Things we take for granted, for eg. our health, enough food to eat, a proper place to stay, peaceful country etc. Many others are suffering from poor health, lost of limbs or abilities, wars and deprived of basic human needs.
2. Be grateful for things that went right. Rejoice for all the good things that happened to you: a caring & supportive family, spouse, a good education, good career, thriving business and all the fine things you have been enjoying in life. Avoid craving for more by rejoicing in them continously as if they just happened yesterday. Dr. Pang shared how he is still thankful for the scholarship he received years ago.
3. Be grateful for things that went wrong. This is highest level of developing contentment. I guessed all of us are too eager to blame but forget to learn from our mistakes. It is the bitter events in our lives that offer us the opportunities to grow and mature into a wiser, better person. This is what Dr. Pang meant by "transformative suffering", learning from our hardship or our pains. By understanding and accepting the fact that our lives will always have ups and downs, we become more forgiving, tolerant and patient to ourselves and others, and in the process, become a happier person.
I dunno about you, but to me, Contentment equals Happiness.
PS. Clinical depression is different from the low mood or blues we sometimes feel. And do note that complacency, indifference or apathy is NOT contentment.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Gatha for Metta - remembering the Tsunami
Found a touching poem while browsing E-Sangha forum today. This poem was written after the Tsunami struck Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004, killing about 230,000 people, with tens of thousands missing and over one million displaced. What I like most about this poem is the way it encourages loving kindness and compassion; over everything else that judge, label and separate us along cultural, racial or religious lines. Here is the beautiful poem, written by Beth Vieira:
When there is destruction and death,
may all beings be relieved of suffering.
When there is no one to blame,
may all beings be relieved of judgement.
When there is a lost mother and a crying child,
may all beings be relieved of their tears.
When there is utter incomprehension,
may all beings be relieved of confusion.
When there is no way to do anything,
may all beings be relieved of their helplessness.
May the world and all beings be relieved from the suffering
of pain and death, destruction and illness, fear and doubt.
May the world and all beings be free of danger
and find safe harbor in the loving arms of compassion.
May compassion and hope bring together all beings,
holding hands and holding each other in gentle lovingkindness.
So as we celebrate and welcome the new year, please remember that there are some less fortunate people who are suffering and languishing in many poverty stricken slums or war torn places, without any proper meals or a roof over their heads, in pain and diseased. Let us cherish our lives and those around us. Let us show care and concern whenever we can, and make our lives more meaningful. By remembering them, and let this be a catalyst of change for the new us in 2008.
Monday, December 31, 2007
New Year Wishes for 2008
During the year may you have
Enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
Enough enthusiasm to make you positive.
Enough determination to make each day better.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008
Enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
Enough enthusiasm to make you positive.
Enough determination to make each day better.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008
PS. These new year wishes are not written by me. For my pals or those who are wondering why wish trials and failure to another, my view is that even when we are face with bad things or unfortunate events, there are good things that can come out of it. There will always be ups and downs in life. Just because we are down, it does not mean we cannot learn from it, and be a stronger, wiser and nicer person thereon. Wishing everyone here the strength to face adversity and the wisdom to grow from it.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Enchanted
OK, after that gloomy reflection earlier, another thing is on my mind this month: Disney Enchanted.
I don't considered myself to be a romantic guy and I enjoyed piercing sarcasm and black humor more (think In Living Color) but somehow this movie caught something in me (well, Madagascar too, but that was coz of the 4 mafiaso Penguins). Enjoy the catchy soundtrack of this movie:
Like it? It's hard not to. This tune has been ringing in my mind for past few weeks. Know why? Personally I feel it's coz when you are always happy and positive, you shine on others like the bright sun on a cool windy beach. That's why Amy Adams jovial, bubbly, caring and thoughtful character is soooooooo addictive. She simply draws people to her like a magnet. That's how we should live our lives: to bring joy and happiness to people around us, and they in turn will bring joy and happiness back to us. Merry Christmas and happy holidays folks! :)
I don't considered myself to be a romantic guy and I enjoyed piercing sarcasm and black humor more (think In Living Color) but somehow this movie caught something in me (well, Madagascar too, but that was coz of the 4 mafiaso Penguins). Enjoy the catchy soundtrack of this movie:
Like it? It's hard not to. This tune has been ringing in my mind for past few weeks. Know why? Personally I feel it's coz when you are always happy and positive, you shine on others like the bright sun on a cool windy beach. That's why Amy Adams jovial, bubbly, caring and thoughtful character is soooooooo addictive. She simply draws people to her like a magnet. That's how we should live our lives: to bring joy and happiness to people around us, and they in turn will bring joy and happiness back to us. Merry Christmas and happy holidays folks! :)
Soldiering on
Been busy busy last 2 months: new distributorship, new products, new models, PC Fair, 1U Fair, Courts Mutiara opening etc. Without realising it, all these took a heavy toll on my values and principles. I tried not to blame myself for my choice of profession and business but I guess this is what The Buddha meant when he asked us to pursue the Right Livelihood and Right Effort. Choosing the right profession and prioritizing our lives are so important to our happiness and well-being.
Fortunately I'm still mindful of the suffering due to "wanting" - chasing goals so hard that one ignore all the goodness that one can offer to others. I intend to slow things down by going to the temple more often, spending time with my family, catching up with friends, and if need be, sacrifice some of my business objectives. Most of all, I hope to regain my "changed" self again.
Note to self: Guard my thoughts, watch my deeds. Soldier on...
Fortunately I'm still mindful of the suffering due to "wanting" - chasing goals so hard that one ignore all the goodness that one can offer to others. I intend to slow things down by going to the temple more often, spending time with my family, catching up with friends, and if need be, sacrifice some of my business objectives. Most of all, I hope to regain my "changed" self again.
Note to self: Guard my thoughts, watch my deeds. Soldier on...
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Guan Yin and Wise Sayings of The Buddha
Took my family to the temple today, to pay homage to Guan Yin Pusa, also known as Avalokiteshvara in Sanskrit or Chenrezig according to Tibetan Buddhism. To me, Guan Yin is the embodiment of compassion and loving kindness.
As I kneeled down to pay homage to Guan Yin, I wanted to recite "Om Mani Padme Hung" 108 times but failed on my first attempt. There were simply too many distractions. So I got up, took the vegetarian lunch, and after a short break, went down on my knees again. This time, I reminded myself to be mindful of the present, not to let my mind stray, and just focus on chanting. After chanting about 20 times, my mind started to wonder and even tried to convince me to stop at 30 times. I then bring my thoughts to the parami (perfection) of "Adhitthana" or determination. Each time I recalled Adhitthana, I persevered on and on till I chanted 108 times. Now this might not seem like an arduous task to many but it is to me, since I have a restless mind centered on worldly affairs. But this episode made me realized the value of mindfulness and determination.
Came home and watched YouTube to relax. Ran a few searches on Guan Yin and found 2 very inspiring videos:
1. A mesmerizing dance representing Guan Yin with the following words of wisdom:
As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
A thousand hands will naturally come to your aid
As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
You will reach out with a thousand hands to help others
2. A video of a demure girl quoting the wise teachings of Siddhāttha Gotama; The Buddha. I've read some before but it's truly inspiring when I viewed and listened to them in this video. I guess the presenter in this video has a natural flair for delivering the wise sayings of The Buddha.
PS. Thank you Sarah Swofford for the absolutely beautiful recitations.
As I kneeled down to pay homage to Guan Yin, I wanted to recite "Om Mani Padme Hung" 108 times but failed on my first attempt. There were simply too many distractions. So I got up, took the vegetarian lunch, and after a short break, went down on my knees again. This time, I reminded myself to be mindful of the present, not to let my mind stray, and just focus on chanting. After chanting about 20 times, my mind started to wonder and even tried to convince me to stop at 30 times. I then bring my thoughts to the parami (perfection) of "Adhitthana" or determination. Each time I recalled Adhitthana, I persevered on and on till I chanted 108 times. Now this might not seem like an arduous task to many but it is to me, since I have a restless mind centered on worldly affairs. But this episode made me realized the value of mindfulness and determination.
Came home and watched YouTube to relax. Ran a few searches on Guan Yin and found 2 very inspiring videos:
1. A mesmerizing dance representing Guan Yin with the following words of wisdom:
As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
A thousand hands will naturally come to your aid
As long as you are kind and there is love in your heart
You will reach out with a thousand hands to help others
2. A video of a demure girl quoting the wise teachings of Siddhāttha Gotama; The Buddha. I've read some before but it's truly inspiring when I viewed and listened to them in this video. I guess the presenter in this video has a natural flair for delivering the wise sayings of The Buddha.
PS. Thank you Sarah Swofford for the absolutely beautiful recitations.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Free Burma, support the Saffron Revolution!
I followed the anti-government protests and cries for help in Burma (now Myanmar) with concern since mid September. I remembered reading an article that said since the monks have joined the protest, the oppressive military government (junta) in Burma are now caught between a rock and a hard place, mainly because it's unimaginable that the junta will use force on the peaceful monks in Burma.
That article struck two thoughts in me:
1. Why would Buddhist monks, who have renounced the secular world to lead a homeless life, take such an active part in politics?
2. What if the unthinkable happen: the military junta decides to use force on these monks?
Guess what? The unthinkable happened. The military junta in Burma finally used violent means to suppress the protest in yet AGAIN another brutal crackdown. Scores of people including monks were arrested, beaten, shot, brutalized and killed. The soldiers and policemen, acting on orders from the junta, stormed many temples and monasteries to detain monks and from the accounts of what I've read and viewed: tortured and killed many monks in horrifying ways.
For decades, the military junta have ruled Burma with an iron fist with total disregard for the welfare of the people. Poverty and famine is at an all time high and there are virtually no proper education or job opportunities with many brutal crackdowns on the intellectuals and students in Burma.
Burma, already one of the world's poorest nations, recently saw a ninefold increase in the price of oil and a 40% increase in the price of rice, which made the incompetent and power-hungry junta fearful of any popular uprising, hence even monks were not spared from the brutality as they struggle to cling on to power. Such clinging and lust for power are invariably destructive and the cause of untold sufferings.
Under such extreme conditions, it’s impossible for the people of Burma to practice the Dhamma, let alone maintain a calm and serene mind. Therefore, the monks out of deep compassion for all those suffering in Burma, decided to take part in a peaceful protest with the hope that the military junta would do something to alleviate the suffering and improve the welfare of all Burmese citizens. By doing so, the holy Sangha, as the protector of the noble Dhamma, now lies completely brutalized and shattered by the oppressive and inhuman regime in Burma.
If you happened to read this, please try to:
1. Say a prayer or send your good thoughts to people and monks in Burma who are suffering now.
2. See what you can do HERE.
I leave you to ponder over these two quotes:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing – Edmund Burke.
(This happens to be my Karate grandmaster Vince Morris sensei's favorite quote)
There are times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest - Elie Wiesel.
(Let's take protest in this context to include active compassionate action: saying a prayer or good thoughts, sharing the news regarding Burma, donating to the people of Burma, appealing to the UN and your government to help the people of Burma and etc.)
Free Burma! Free Myanmar! Support the Saffron Revolution!
That article struck two thoughts in me:
1. Why would Buddhist monks, who have renounced the secular world to lead a homeless life, take such an active part in politics?
2. What if the unthinkable happen: the military junta decides to use force on these monks?
Guess what? The unthinkable happened. The military junta in Burma finally used violent means to suppress the protest in yet AGAIN another brutal crackdown. Scores of people including monks were arrested, beaten, shot, brutalized and killed. The soldiers and policemen, acting on orders from the junta, stormed many temples and monasteries to detain monks and from the accounts of what I've read and viewed: tortured and killed many monks in horrifying ways.
For decades, the military junta have ruled Burma with an iron fist with total disregard for the welfare of the people. Poverty and famine is at an all time high and there are virtually no proper education or job opportunities with many brutal crackdowns on the intellectuals and students in Burma.
Burma, already one of the world's poorest nations, recently saw a ninefold increase in the price of oil and a 40% increase in the price of rice, which made the incompetent and power-hungry junta fearful of any popular uprising, hence even monks were not spared from the brutality as they struggle to cling on to power. Such clinging and lust for power are invariably destructive and the cause of untold sufferings.
Under such extreme conditions, it’s impossible for the people of Burma to practice the Dhamma, let alone maintain a calm and serene mind. Therefore, the monks out of deep compassion for all those suffering in Burma, decided to take part in a peaceful protest with the hope that the military junta would do something to alleviate the suffering and improve the welfare of all Burmese citizens. By doing so, the holy Sangha, as the protector of the noble Dhamma, now lies completely brutalized and shattered by the oppressive and inhuman regime in Burma.
If you happened to read this, please try to:
1. Say a prayer or send your good thoughts to people and monks in Burma who are suffering now.
2. See what you can do HERE.
I leave you to ponder over these two quotes:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing – Edmund Burke.
(This happens to be my Karate grandmaster Vince Morris sensei's favorite quote)
There are times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest - Elie Wiesel.
(Let's take protest in this context to include active compassionate action: saying a prayer or good thoughts, sharing the news regarding Burma, donating to the people of Burma, appealing to the UN and your government to help the people of Burma and etc.)
Free Burma! Free Myanmar! Support the Saffron Revolution!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Organs donation
Been mulling over this since 2001. It was Susan who first shared with me the idea of donating organs upon death, having pledge her organs sometime ago. Discovering Buddhism led me to deeper thoughts of this matter.
The Star report on the successful second transplant for heart patient Tee Hui Yi is both touching and eye-opening. Touching because the parents of a young mechanic who died in an accident put aside their grief for what must be a shocking loss to consent to donating their son organs.
Eye-opening when I read more than 100,000 Malaysians have pledged their organs but in reality only 25 have donated their organs to save lives, mainly because many families or next of kin do not agree to the organ donation. Tee Hui Yi can be considered extremely lucky to have found 2 suitable donors within a span of just 24 hours after the body rejected the first transplant. I see it as her good kamma from her past merits ripening at the right time.
It took a team of more than 14 specialists and senior nurses from IJN (Institut Jantung Negara) two grueling days performing the two transplants on Hui Yi. So much effort just to save one person. This truly illustrates the dedication and commitment of doctors to save lives, and shows just how precious human life is. It's so easy to take away a life, but so difficult to save one. May we all learn to live peacefully without enmity and violence.
I'll try to spend more time to deeply consider donating my own organs. Read here for more info on organs donation. Susan, if you are reading this, thanks for sharing.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Things you can never undo
Here's an enjoyable and meaningful story sent to me by my ex-colleague and good friend, Santhana Mary.
May we all be blessed with wisdom in our thoughts, words and deeds, to act with skillful means in our lives.
May we all be blessed with wisdom in our thoughts, words and deeds, to act with skillful means in our lives.
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